AE Movie Club: Birthday Movies, “Tim and Eric”, Sci-Fi Beefcake, and More!

 

Happy Friday, fellow film freaks! Open wide, because it’s time for another round of piercing movie commentary courtesy of the AE Movie Club.

The Oscars are over, and you know what? Good. I was sick of them by the time Sacha Baron Cohen dumped Bisquik on Ryan Seacrest (and can we all agree that it’s not the first time that’s happened, hmm?). I for one am ready to sally forth out of this late-winter wasteland and on to some great, buzz-worthy movies.

But first, there’s a little thing called My Birthday to deal with. So in honor of myself, I’m dedicating this week’s Fast Five to the best birthday flicks. They truly are the gifts that keep on giving.

Elsewhere, It Came From Instant Queue yanks a skeleton out of George Clooney‘s closet, our Movie Confessional raises the topic of irresistible cinematic crack, and I make an appeal to have The Help‘s humpy director, Tate Taylor, jump out of my cake.

5 … 4 … 3 … 2 … 1 …START!

Reviewlet: Tim and Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie

At this point, you are probably either already excited to see Tim and Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie or you have no idea what the hell it is. If you fall in the latter category, you should probably skip this, because it might hurt your brain a little.

Exhibit A:

If you are in the former, I’m sorry to say that while the cable TV comedy duo’s first film (which opens in limited release today and is also available on demand) serves up a few unforgettable moments, for the most part it’s pretty dull stuff. The basic setup – which is actually more structure than most of their fifty or so episodes of Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! ever had – has Tim (Heidecker) and Eric (Wareheim) running from a mobster (an even-more-terrifying-than-usual Robbert Loggia) after blowing a billion of his dollars on a 3-minute movie starring a Johnny Depp impersonator.

After seeing a promising ad at a urinal, they journey to an abandoned mall in S’Wallow Valley that is run by a paranoid Will Ferrell and try to turn it around in order to earn a billion dollars. This involves getting rid of the squatters that have taken over the mall, trying to improve the quality of the remaining stores (a used toiled paper emporium, a religious cult called “Shrim”, an adult toy store, and an all-bread restaurant, to name a few), and dealing with the wild wolf that has taken over the food court.

Eric Wareheim and Ray Wise

Highlights: There’s a prolonged sequence where Eric gets drowned in the diarrhea of a bunch of cult children as Ray Wise cackles in the background while Tim is anally penetrated by a middle-aged balloon saleswoman across the hall. There’s also a close-up of a prosthetic penis being pierced and a scene where the friends bathe and shave one another. And of course there’s all the modulated yelling, scary close-ups of mentally ill extras, and stunningly recreated corporate training videos from the ’80s that fans of their show have come to love.

If any of this sounds funny to you, you might want to go ahead and check it out. I did laugh at least four or five times, which is more than I would have had I gone to see Project X – the Red-Bull-and-roofie-fueled hetero nightmare also opening today – instead. John C. Reilly is very funny as chronically sick homeless man-child Taquito, and any Jeff Goldblum – sorry, that would be “Chef” Goldblum here – is good Jeff Goldblum. But if you don’t get any of it, don’t say I didn’t warn ya.

Here’s the trailer, in case you want to know more:

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