“American Horror Story: Coven”: Ding-Dong, the Witch Is Raising the Dead

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According to the license plate, Louisiana is apparently a Sportsman’s Paradise. In the case of 1961, the “sport” in question was chasing down black boys on bicycles. Ohhhhh dear…

At Marie Motherf*cking Laveau‘s (Angela Bassett) beauty shop, one of her stylists mentions that her son is starting high school today at an integrated school. The other ladies argue about whether or not that is safe, and before you know it he poor kid on the Pee Wee Herman bike has been hung from a tree by a lynch mob. Good grief.

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And bad grief, in the form of undead revenge! Yes, Marie breaks out the snakes, blood and pearls (every girl should have a fully stocked vanity, right?) and whips up some voodoo that makes the dead rise from their graves and rip the lynch mob to pieces.

Revenge, it turns out, is a dish best served by zombies. (With toast points.)

OPENING TITLES

Creepy dolls and creepier fingernails – hey, it’s Spalding (Denis O’Hare)! And he’s… having a tea party? Okay, didn’t see that one coming.

Spalding joins Fiona (Jessica Lange) at the scene of the crime, where she sniffs that Madison would have been a terrible Supreme anyway, not that she’d know from experience or anything. Spalding rolls Mad up in the rug and pauses to pour FiFi a brandy, for which she thanks him by calling him a moron. Suddenly there is a crash, and Fiona rushes into the Suspiria greenhouse to find Queenie (Gabourey Sidibe) on the floor and the Minotaur lurking in the shadows behind her.

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Fiona wakes Cordelia (Sarah Paulson) – wait, does her husband live at the school, too? If so, where is he? – and they tend to Queenie, with Fiona literally breathing life back into the girl. Cordelia suggests the hospital but Fiona warns her that the last thing she wants is the Council breathing down her neck. Upstairs, Delphine (Kathy Bates) – hiding in the closet – marvels that “the black girl” saved her life. Fiona tells her to get it together and get out of her room.

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