“American Idol” Recap: 20 Necessary Observations About The Top 7 Elimination

We learned on Wednesday’s Top 7 night that the current crop of American Idol stars probably aren’t destined for starring roles in Rock of Ages, and that should sit well with all of them. But we learned on Thursday night’s elimination show that life continues to be unfair for the pitch-perfect contestants left in the competition and wonderfully fortunate for that other guy. Spin your shiny little bow-tie, you meek little Mephistopheles. Here are 20 observations about Thursday’s Coke-sponsored spectacle.

1. That group performance of “Somebody to Love” was, of course, stupid. Something about Janelle‘s aggressive smiley-ness is grating to me today. Also, Lazaro‘s voice seriously seems to be dwindling from week to week, while the vibrancy of his clashing apparel is holding steady at “completely jarring.”

2. Did I say “Somebody to Love” sucked? Well, it did until Candice tore through it with the raging heavy machinery of her voice, leaving everyone else and their hapless grins decapitated. 

3. LOVE Amber‘s industrial-print, metallic leggings/jeans. If this were Legwear Idol, she’d be making mentors like Dolce & Gabbana weep with astonishment.

4. I don’t understand Jimmy “Emphysemic Old Earthworm” Iovine ranking Candice below either Kree or Angie in this week’s performances. Her vocal decimated those two, and we didn’t need a wind machine to understand that she was being “gritty.”

5. Casey James. I remember him from season nine pretty well. He was simultaneously a viable artist (remember his cover of “Jealous Guy”?) and totally unassuming. If he had a funnier edge, he could’ve been the original Phillip Phillips

6. Woah, Nicki, Randy, and Keith all selected Angie, Amber, and Kree as their top three singers in the competition. Uh? Based on the amount of criticism leveled at Angie and her song choices, it is unthinkable that she isn’t coming in fourth behind Candice. Thank you, Mariah, for understanding this! She ranked Candice in her Top 3 while ousting Angie. I’d consider this Mariah’s proudest showing yet, except of course she blathered about the meaninglessness of her rankings for over 17 minutes.

7. I can’t tell if Lazaro is embarrassed to have clinched a Top 3 audience vote or not. He has now surpassed Tim Urban‘s seventh place finish and could be the highest-ranking “worst singer in the top 10″ ever. 

8. Carrie Underwood is a vision in her apricot bathsoap-colored homecoming dress, but her voice sounds strained on “See You Again” (which is not the supercharged Miley Cyrus jam I’d hoped for). Hope her SIX-TIME GRAMMY-WINNING instrument recoups in time for her THREE CONTINENT-SPANNING tour of MANY COUNTRIES. Do you think Mariah resented that Carrie has more Grammys than she does? (Ridiculous, by the way.) 

9. Amber and Candice came in fourth and fifth place in the home audience tally. That’s a little scary. How does Candice finish behind Lazaro? 

10. A word on voting for Lazaro because he’s “a good person,” which Idol messageboarders — and even AfterElton messageboarders — have cited as a real reason to keep in the competition. Why would you penalize the other better singers, who seem like “good people” to me, for doing a better job than Lazaro? For remembering their damn lyrics? That is such weird, nonsense, defensive, nyah-nyah voting. Strikes me as a Republican move. 

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