I interrupt American Idol‘s streak of fabulous female singers for a special bulletin: A young troubadour named Paul Jolley just became the most valuable singer in the competition thanks to his eerie sweetness and topaz complexion. He has a fine voice too, but that’s deeply unimportant right now.
Here’s what we should be thinking about: His name is Jolley, which is how my loins feel right now. 2) He sang Rascal Flatts, which means AfterElton readership has to rescue this child. 3) He auditioned while dressed in a turquoise shirt and white pants, as if he were Dinah Shore shopping at Pacific Sunwear. He’s like Doris Day in those togs. Suzanne Pleshette on vacay. Elizabeth Montgomery eleganza. 4) You can tell by his constant gesturing and fluttery eyelashes that he really loves… God. Yes. He is one of those.
Did I mention that he looks like 22-year-old Anthony Perkins in Friendly Persuasion?
Did I also mention that he acts like Tony in that very role? In Friendly Persuasion, Tony Perkins plays a brooding youth who doesn’t want to fight in the war because is so sensitive. And there’s something about Tony that… might make the average AfterElton reader relate to him. And maybe Paul Jolley has that same quality. And maybe I live in a world of frightful projection where I believe I understand everything about Paul Jolley because of movies and my cloistered Midwestern upbringing. Well! Prove me wrong, someone. Bet you can’t.
Anyway: Here are three other singers I enjoyed for more concrete, less slashfic-y reasons.
1. Megan Miller — Miss Congeniality on Crutches
Megan Miller may have been a gimpy Miss Baton Rouge pageant winner, but she ruled enough to sing the hell out of “Something’s Got a Hold on Me,” incorporate her crutches into ingenious choroegraphy, and wear a headband without looking like the chump of all time. She was funny! The talent is obvious. Hopefully she’ll be an even leggier dame when we see her next.
2. Burnell Taylor deserves a Purple Heart
Burnell Taylor announced that he was from a musical family, so I had high hopes for his version of “I’m Here” from The Color Purple. And oh my God, he triumphed. Caramel tones and rising defiance from start to finish, and he even made Mariah cry, which is a direct affront to her single “I Don’t Wanna Cry.” That might mean he’s awesome.
3. Charlie Askew could not have a more appropriate surname.
Charlie Askew’s mother called his social awkwardness undiagnosable, which I guess makes him literally askew. What is this, a Dr. Seuss character? Thankfully, Charlie is a mysteriously resonant singer whose restraint and poise betrays his squirmy demeanor. It’s not a perfect audition, but he’s powerfui at surprising moments. His version of “Nature Boy” is more touching than his Queen intro, and even a tad spooky. Good! We need strange pop stars! I hope he’s prepared to be one.
What did you dig from last night? Besides Paul Jolley’s jollies?