Ask JT! Is it Okay to Hook Up with My Masseur?

Ask JT Gay Advice Column

Dear JT,

I’ve visited a legitimate massage spa chain for about a year and and a half. Late last year, after trying out several masseurs, I finally found the perfect one, who happens to be male.

There was a positive vibe between us during the first massage, and he suggested I come back and see him for a longer session, one that could focus on my full body.  I immediately signed up for a full body massage the very next week.  When I was on my back, my hand grazed over his private area and it was definitely happy to see me. Things… happened… but I will keep this PG.

This continues now.  After the happy ending for both of us, he gets a case of the guilts, usually saying he’s not gay, or that he has a girlfriend, and this can never happen again.  It always does.  I take it for what is is: a hot, safe time.  He enjoys it, regardless of his temporary guilt afterward. What sucks is that he is the best masseur in this spa chain. I’ve tried others since him and they don’t compare.  Do I suck it up (pun possibly intended) and go to another masseur who doesn’t deliver the caliber of massage as my guy, or do I just let things ride as is? I don’t want anything more than those few hours a month and neither does he, from what I understand.

Signed,

Massage Envious

Aw, Mr. Travolta, I’m flattered! I didn’t know you read my column!

I kid, I kid. Well, ME, it sounds like you have what I like to refer to as a high-end problem, not to mention one that reminds of a few artistic videos I’ve watched online once or twice.

If there were no laws about this kind of thing, I’d say there’s really no problem here. I mean, I get it – it’s a little unnerving when a guy freaks out post-hook up, and one day, one sweet, sexy day, we may get to a point as a species where people can hook up with people of either gender and it won’t cause a freakout or identity crisis. Wouldn’t that be totally boss?

You get a massage, you get a happy ending, he gets a happy ending. Neither of you want more, and neither of you are getting more. Sure, it’s weird that he gets panicky, but the sexual part of the massage still persists, he gets paid for his time, and everyone goes home happy.

BUT …

Unfortunately, whether you’re aware of this or not, you’re actually breaking the law. Any sexual contact made under the guise of a massage is illegal, which is a major bummer, I know, but hey, I don’t make the laws.

Since it doesn’t sound like this guy is at the place in his life where he’ll be able to come to your home and give you a private massage free of charge (but reciprocated, of course), my advice to you would be either A) only pursue further massages with him if you know you can keep it under your towel, or more realistically B) cherish these hot, hot memories for the rest of your life – really, it’s a great story – and find a different spa.

Dear JT,

My ex and I dated for about 4 months. We broke up 3 months ago, but meet up once in a while to have lunch and have reached a point where I believe we are comfortable as friends. One day we went to lunch and he asked if he could bring along one of his new friends who had just moved to town. I’ve since interacted with this guy on a few occasions, but already I am attracted to him. He seems like a lovely guy and I’d like to get to know him better.

The other day, I ran into him at his work. We were talking for a good 20 minutes and I got the impression that he might be interested.

I know he met my ex through Grindr, but I have no reason to believe they are dating. Surely he wouldn’t have introduced me to him if they were, right? So, I am asking for your advice. Is it appropriate for me to act on this given that my ex and I broke up just a few months ago? If so, what should my next move be?

Cheers!

Lust in Translation

Often times when I get letters for this column, I read them aloud to my boyfriend Morris to get another person’s perspective on the situation which I’m advising. When I got to the part about them meeting on Grindr, I stopped reading and made a face. I looked at him and found he was making the same face.

I’m not saying they definitely hooked up, but … well, just don’t be surprised if it happened.

But, look, whether they did or didn’t, people can get kind of emotional about their exes, and in this case that means you.

Case in point: I recently came back from vacation in California where I met up with my BFF from high school, Nadia, who’s now married. This is how she met her husband:

Nadia was good friends with a girl named Kate. Kate was dating a guy named Phil. (These are all totally fake names, bee tee dubs.) Kate was cheating on Phil for months with some other dude while Phil supported her through grad school. Kate eventually dumped Phil for the dude she was cheating on him with. Shortly after, Nadia fell in love with Phil but said nothing for years. Eventually, Phil told her he had feelings for her. It all worked out for Nadia and Phil, and they got married.

But Kate thought what Nadia did was an inexcusable violation of the bro-code, and dumped her as a friend.

Now, everyone who’s not a self-centered ass can see Kate is the wrong-doer in this scenario, but she can’t. Why? Well, for one thing, she’s a self-centered ass. But for another, it’s because it has to do with her ex, and so her vision is clouded with emotional baggage I like to call the ex-factor.

So here’s what you do, LIT. Before you approach New Guy, talk to Ex. Gently mention you’re interested in New Guy but want to make sure that won’t make things weird between you and him. You don’t technically need Ex’s blessing, but that show of respect will go a long way and make things a lot less awkward in the future.

And be prepared for the possibility that Ex might tell you he and New Guy hooked up. That shouldn’t be a dealbreaker, but if that’s something that would be an issue for you, better to be prepared.

Hey JT!

So a friend and I are coming to New York next weekend, and we’re looking for a bar that’s fun and gay and trashy, with hopefully nearly nude bartenders that we can gawk at. Any suggestions?

Horny Tourist

Sure, HT!

For bartender eye candy, there are two places to check out. The first is Splash, which gets way crowded later in the evenings (like all the bars … sigh) and the bartenders are decked out in Speedos. But I will say their drinks are a little on the pricier side.

The other option is Boxers, where the bartenders wear boxers, because GET IT??

There are actually two locations, one in Hell’s Kitchen, one on 20th. In my experience, the bartenders in Hell’s Kitchen are hotter, but really, this is a win-win no matter where you go.

Hope that helps, HT, and happy voyeur-ing!

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