It’s EJA. If you don’t remember, I sent you an email last month.
(Tim’s note: for those who didn’t catch EJA’s first letter, he was surprised one day to discover he tested positive for chlamydia.)
First I want to thank you so much for your advice about being honest with sexual partners about an STI diagnosis. I finally figured out how I got chlamydia. Turns out someone lied to me and now I know who it was.
After I took another test and tested clean I got over my embarrassment and called Chris (the guy I really liked– and thought I’d lost) again. I’m writing to let you know he’s now my boyfriend. Yup, we are now a couple. Even though Chris was upset when I first told him I was being treated for chlamydia, he was glad that I was responsible enough to keep him informed about this. It was tough, but it was something I had to do. What happened in the past has nothing to do with my present and my future.
So I guess in the end being honest and responsible does pay off!
I would just like to go on record and say that EJA’s assertion that “being honest and responsible pays off” is his belief and his alone, and does not reflect the opinions of myself or TheBacklot. I mean, hell, I lied about my name for, like, three years, and I’m doing just fine, okay?!
But in all seriousness, EJA, I’m proud of you. You toughed it out through an uncomfortable situation with your head held high, and in the end you won the day and got the guy. That’s how I like stories to end.
If there’s a teaching moment here, it’s that we’re all human and fallible, and though ideally we’d only ever have safe sex, slip-ups do happen. Anyone having sex is at risk for an STD, and catching one is no commentary on your character.
But EJA, you lucked out in a major way by catching a very easily curable STI and not something more serious. So remember this moment in the future if you find yourself in a similarly sexy situation and there are no condoms handy.
I’m 17 years old, living in Texas and my parents are Catholic, conservative and military. I go to a military school where “gay” is nonexistent … I’ve never had a proper bf and I’m getting kind of sad. So– don’t judge– I’ve turned to Grindr for hookups. I just had my third one and I didn’t wanna do it anymore so I deleted the app, and just a week later I re-downloaded it.
It’ll probably get better once I get to college, but I just need advice on how to stop my urges before then. I don’t know who to turn to. I try chatting online, but it never works. I’m more of a person-to-person guy. But even then I’m nervous to talk about my sexuality. Any advice would help.
For everyone who claims that the U.S. is an easy place for gay teens these days, I present to you Exhibit A.
TT, you nailed the answer to your question before I could give it: it will get better when you go to college. So I advise you to find a large university, hopefully close to a major city, that will have a thriving LGBT community on campus.
However, let’s talk about the coming year. Unfortunately, I can’t give you advice on how to stop your urges, because that’s impossible. The other issue is now that you’ve had sex, it’s going to be very difficult for you to stop – hence the re-downloading of Grindr.
But here’s the thing – while these frenzied hookups might be exciting in the moment, they have a serious downside. For one, while studies are still new, there’s a not-too-surprising theory that casual hookups – particularly for younger people still developing their identities – has a direct link to depression.
Also, not to scare you, but there’s also been a study that reports the likelihood of contracting STIs is much higher among gay and bisexual men who use hookup apps.
So here’s what I suggest, Double T: Delete Grindr from your phone and keep it off. You’re in the absolute home stretch of living as a kid, and will very, very soon be out in the real world. Soldier through (no pun intended) the next year, remembering the age-old wisdom that masturbation was invented for a reason.
Sorry if my advice amounts to “just hang in there,” but believe me when I say your world will change drastically in a very short time, and then this will all be a distant memory.
I have a very specific question. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been sexually aroused by the Disney princes. Aladdin, Eric, Flynn Rider … I just find them so sexy. So my question is two-fold: 1) am I normal or a freak? 2) are there other people like me?
Hand Drawn and Horny
You’re not a freak. As for normal, well, that’s a very relative term. But what I can tell you is that yes, there are most certainly people out there who have kinks involving them being turned on by animated characters, and the Disney princes do occasionally get singled out.
For example, this has been featured before in this column, but DeviantArt maverick David Kawena has created some very saucy portraits of the Disney gentlemen.
And, for something decidedly NSFW, try Googling “Aladdin Explosive Gay Disney Orgy”. (And for goodness sake– don’t do this at work!)
More ASK O’LEARY! here.