Just genuflect at the altar of Dan Gheesling, because he’s pulled strings, ingratiated wildly, won over home viewers, and systematically monopolized season 14 of Big Brother like Uncle Pennybags himself. If his Britney takedown wasn’t impressive enough (complete with utter Jenn manipulation), last night he somehow convinced Danielle to remove him from the block and offer up her own showmance beau Shane as a proxy. She obliged, Dan blindsided Shane with the sole eviction vote, and the dim, umber Luke Wilson impostor left the house in fourth place. Astounding.
That’s why it’s no surprise that last night’s episode was filled with great reaction shots. I thought I’d narrate my five favorites for you. Say cheese, kids.
1. Ashley and Britney show off their emotional range.
In the wild, wild, completely boring Jury House, evictees Ashley and Britney awaited their newest loser. When Frank, the tousled tower of agitation and doom that he is, arrived, naturally they were highly expressive — relatively speaking. Britney looked like a cartoon puppy being served a delicious meal of Frank guts, and Ashley looked like a pillar of Xanax. That mouth. It’s so unexpressive, it deserves a significant role in Twilight.
2. Ian barely survives heart palpitations, for a change.
The quakingly unstable slightly nervous Ian didn’t know what to think when Danielle pulled Dan off the block and substituted in Shane. And that’s probably why he clutched his heart, prepared for death, and tried to calm down as his dramatic asthma (dramastha?) started to overtake his limbs. On the plus side, his longish hair is sho cuuuute.
3. Danielle is a total pawn and celebrates it by unhinging her jaw.
That? That is disbelief. And horror. Danielle’s mouth is in the same disturbing shape as the killer’s mask from Scream, except if she were asked over the phone what her “favorite scary movie” was, she’d be forced to pick the zany caper she’s currently living. It must be unnerving to realize you’re so malleable, and Danielle is essentially a ball of clay in Auguste Ro-Dan’s hands. Scuptor puns! We’re surviving them together.
5. Danielle wants answers.
And she’s only asking Dan for answers. Yes, Dan. The man who shafted her only seconds before. Here she is tilting her head, leaning in for sympathy, and never thinking for a second that she should be kicking herself deep in the face for trusting him. It’s a poignantly stupid moment for her. You go, woman?
1. Big victim Shane takes it all in.
Sweaty, unfocused, angry, and buff. Normally that’s a winning combination for Shane, but he was supposed to be watching Ian sail out to a fourth place finish, not himself. To see Shane outside Chenbot Manor answering Julie Chen‘s standard questioning was uncomfortable and zany, and Shane’s teary-eyed rage kept being funny. Looks like a meaty hedgheog in that crispy cerulean shirt. But anyway: His sudden disappointment brought out out his cheekbone symmetry, and I appreciated that.
What were your favorite moments? Are you 100% addicted to Dan?