“Big Brother” Double Elimination Recap: Rank Your Final 5

Big Brother Andy

Before we jump into another game of “Which Society Dropout Stands The Biggest Chance Of Winning $500,000 And Depressing All Of Us?” , let’s take a look at two tweets from Big Brother veterans reacting to last night’s double elimination.

 

 

Both of these tweets validate my problem with many Big Brother veterans: They only respect how they played the game. Because newsflash to Dan Gheesling, who successfully and astoundingly wormed his way to second place last year: Your technique wouldn’t have worked on #BB15. There are no giggling patsies like Jenn who would’ve used their veto powers to serve your game. These are conservative, Cold Warring hamsters who’ve rightfully let loudmouths self-destruct in front of them. Weirder yet, Gheesling said he’s now rooting for Judd this season. Whaaaaa? Judd was eliminated because he was “floating” so hard that the rest of his house interpreted his nonentity gameplay as diabolical. He was so nothing that he was interpreted as something. That’s maybe as horribly as you can play. Judd couldn’t even do nothing right.

It’s always weird when fans are shocked that lower-key players remain in the game. Uh, have you met Big Brother, guys? Like Survivor, this game is about eliminating the biggest threats one by one. Establishing yourself as a non-threat is a bankable tactic. The reason Rachel Reilly won #BB13 isn’t because she was the greatest player ever; it’s because bigger threats positioned around her (Brendon twice, Jeff, even Jordan with her previous season win) were taken out. Come on. This is basic.

Frankly, there’s one player left on Big Brother to root for, and he should be the rightful winner of the whole season. Let’s rank the remaining houseguests (and bid adieu to Amanda, the most aggressive player in the game by a country mile, and Elissa, another actual floater who attached herself to Helen, lost Helen, then didn’t attempt a new alliance until basically Wednesday).

5. Spencer

I actually love that he’s been on the block seven times because his attitude about that record-setting streak is pretty enjoyable, but Spencer hasn’t been instrumental in any major game shifts so far. He has narrowly avoided or softened the blow on major personal confrontations, but otherwise he’s a lingering lumberjack whose inevitable fall will only warrant the faintest “TIMBER!”

4. Judd

Judd did exactly two things right: working against Amanda and McCrae the second he returned to the house and joining The Exterminators for what was (clearly?) going to be a successful run. I find it hard to root for him since I think evictees should stay evictees, but he does have a shot at this damn thing.

3. GinaMarie

Somehow it was easy to love GinaMarie simply because she nominated Amanda and McCrae for eviction like a rational member of hamster society. But that move is solidifying the success of her alliance, and now GinaMarie has at least one ear-pleasing point that could sway the final jury: She made the biggest move in a season without big moves.

2. McCrae

I’ve called McCrae a gigantic floater, and indeed he’s not done much in the game besides hang onto Amanda’s warlord shoulders and encourage her to stop caterwauling at the competition. But McCrae is a fab competitor in actual competitions, and I think that should count for something. Plus he’s the only houseguest left who has never been on the block for elimination. When the time comes for McCrae to save himself, the pizza prince is his own saucy savior.

1. Andy

I’ll say it again: WHY DO PEOPLE DISLIKE ANDY? He’s “a rat”? Do you mean he’s killing in social gameplay and managed to fool both of Thursday’s evictees into thinking he was working with them? Because that’s what really is happening, and that is almost unprecedented gaming. He’s funny, he’s wise, he’s everybody’s friend, and he’s maneuvered from alliance to alliance in a bold and shrewd arc that has lofted him to a (seemingly) safe place in the competition. He’s got to win this. Has to. Queer quisling, we love you!

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