Sorry about Sunday night’s uninspired episode of Big Brother, fellow Chensetters. With the exception of the Have/Have-Not competition where GinaMarie shoveled down what appeared to be a wheelbarrow of frozen yogurt, this was a pretty ho-hum examination of Judd’s HOH reign. Worse yet, it was full of annoying lies. Here are six I picked out and ranked for you.
6. Kaitlin’s half-assed defense of Jeremy
“Jeremy’s going home and at this point I feel like it is my fault… he deserves to be here a lot more than some of these other people.”
In what universe does Jeremy deserve to be in the house more than anybody else? Yes, he could barrel through certain challenges, but his social game was, y’know, repugnant in a middle school way. Just mean and lame and insane and ignorant. It’s probably telling that he was “friends” with no one else in the house but Kaitlin and Aaryn. And did you know? Aaryn is the worst, and her name is basically a nonsense wordsearch. There’s that.
5. Aaryn attempts niceness, fails.
“It’s definitely bittersweet to watch Jeremy leave because he has been one of my close allies in this game.”
This is a white lie, but a dumb and laughable one nonetheless. “One of my close allies?” Yes, one of two. Jeremy and Kaitling. GinaMarie cannot be considered a close ally because she has a closer alliance with Nick’s cereal box and screaming. They are all very tight, and ready to win this game together.
4. Amanda’s not-even-eighth-assed lie about Jeremy
“Dude, this is going to be so weird [without Jeremy in the house] now!”
No it won’t.
3. GinaMarie throws herself at the mercy of a nation.
“I swear I’m not a dumb blonde, America!”
Dolly Parton once claimed she couldn’t be a dumb blonde because she’s “not dumb and not blonde,” and one half of that statement is true for GinaMarie — the follicular half. I’d describe her hair as a beige-y nimbus gray. And I don’t appreciate her maligning the entire blonde race while feebly attempting to defend her intelligence, or at least her usage of ear-poppingly bizarre and made-up vocabulary.
2. Candice’s National Geographic Tale
“My favorite animal is a penguin… When a penguin wants a girl, he brings her a pebble. [He] brings it to the girl’s foot, and if the girl likes it, they become mates for life.”
I don’t know who made this up, but it wasn’t penguins. This is a common lie told about our polar pals, and I think it’s fair to defend them by saying: They are animals and usually mate without a Bachelor-like presentation ceremony. I’m still a fan of the Howard/Candice showmance though, as they’re both sensitive and un-infuriating people. Aaryn’s head explodes at this awe-inspiring dichotomy.
1. Judd’s sad leadership.
“I need to play my own game and no one else’s!”
I really thought I was going to love Judd this week. His eyes are kind, his shirts are tight, and he once deadpanned to Aaryn, “This is my room too.” But ugh, y’all. He claims to be a Big Brother superfan, but he treated his HOH status like a burden from the very beginning. I’d think most Big Brother fans would relish being in a position of power or at least feign an appreciation for game control. Worse, he claimed he needed to “play his own game” when it came to choose houseguests to evict, but he also claimed he needed to check with everyone in the house before selecting his nominees. He pretty much would’ve relinquished his control to anyone in the house. Judd’s clearly uncomfortable with any sense of command and ended up picking the least offensive move, which was nominating Aaryn and Kaitlin. I’d have respected him more for impulsively picking Amanda and Helen since they tried to preordain his nominations, but instead he’s just poking at dead weight and pretending that’s best for his game. Maybe it’s not, Judd.
Name your favorite lies last episode!