Well, here we are. I’m going from gently suggesting that you enjoy Andy Herren, the gay Big Brother contestant who is currently drawing criticism for being a less-than-proactive Head of Household, to insisting you enjoy Andy Herren. We haven’t ever had a smarter gay cast member in the Big Brother house, and although it may feel disappointing that he upheld his nominations and kept inconsequential players Spencer and Jessie on the block, he’s still playing the game and maybe-kind-of-sort-of-actually doing the right thing. He’s remaining loyal to his main alliance of McCrae, Helen, and Aaryn, but he’s playing his own game by not immediately throwing McCranda’s main competitor Helen to the wolves. You may call that a sheepish move, but in the Big Brother house, proving your loyalty is a bankable way to ensure you’ll earn votes for $500,000 later. I like his gameplay. I can’t see it backfiring for a long awhile.
But better yet, I really love Andy now that I’ve read his HOH diary entry, which was posted on CBS’ website yesterday morning. In it he discussed his feelings about every player in (and out of) the game, his feelings about his own gameplay, and even a few gay observations that will tickle your soul. As I pick my five favorite parts of his letter, maybe you’ll lay off your anti-Andy sentiments for awhile and learn to appreciate his affable, thoughtful humanity.
1. He agrees with some of your criticisms, OK?
“After weeks and weeks of competition mediocrity, here I FINALLY sit, as HOH, writing my HOH blog. It feels pretty damn good. Being able to make my mark on the house in an overt manner is something my game really needs, and I couldn’t be happier with what I’m about to accomplish.”
Right here it’s apparent that Andy has more perspective on the game than we do. Indeed, it’s more important to “make a mark on the house in an overt manner” than aggressively drive out foes with a branding iron. That’s what cost Daniele the game in BB13: playing too soon, too impatiently. At the time, she was a character we revered for her brashness.
2. He knows you think he’s too low-key, and he has the right response to that too.
“While I’m sure I haven’t been the most OuTrAgEoUs houseguest this season due to the fact that I refuse to scream at people all the time, I have also made it far by biting my tongue. I wanted to scream at Jeremy at least 6,000 times while he was here, as he is the most inconsiderate person I’ve ever met, but I didn’t, and as a result it made it all the sweeter watching him walk out the door while I remained in the game.”
God, Jeremy was the worst. He looked like one of Bowser’s kids from Super Mario World (Morton or Roy, specifically). Calling out every bit of awful behavior would be detrimental to Andy’s game, and I’m actually glad he suffered through his fellow HGs’ nonsense. He has the rest of his life to bemoan their idiocy.
3. He’s actually responsible for two of the game’s biggest (and only) twist eliminations.
“The most crucial two evictions thus far have been Nick and Judd, and I was instrumental in getting both of them out. I wouldn’t shut up about how I thought Nick was trouble, and I urged Elissa to put him up. I then campaigned against him all week, and BOOM! The Moving Company officially moved out. Judd was trying to play the entire house, which is exactly what I am doing, and since his game was too similar to mine he had to go. I started planting the seeds about getting rid of him with Amanda and McCrae and with Helen, and BOOM! Judd went packing.”
We’ll never really know how big of a threat Judd would’ve been to the game since — from where I’m sitting — he didn’t appear to have a master plan, but one thing is for sure: Nick was determined to be a diabolical presence in the Big Brother house, and Andy was right to send him packing via Elissa. Andy is a better player than everyone who’s left the house so far. Just admit it.
4. He has awesome reasons for liking and disliking people.
“I LOVE watching people lose their tempers, as evidenced by my girl Candice and her ability to “keep it real” at all times. The one thing people need to know about Candice is that she “kept it real” about 1 percent of the time and she slept the other 99 percent of the time, which was kinda awesome. You wouldn’t see her for 6 hours, she would come into a room to scream at someone, and then she would go back to bed. I miss her.
I gave Howard WAY TOO MUCH credit. I used to lay in bed for HOURS thinking about what his master plan was. I have since learned that Howard had no master plan whatsoever. He was just a bad game player. He would use weird analogies, not look you in the eyes, and tell you he “heard everything.” I love Howard as a person, but Howard wasn’t made for Big Brother.”
Funny, observant, and true. It’s like we’re listening to a human being express human observations using good, fine human grammar. This should stun you. And finally…
5. He is a righteous perv.
“David [was] maybe one of the saddest evictions due to the fact that I enjoyed looking at him all day.”
Yep, I sure miss David’s clueless, symmetrical mug too. Sexy dude, although also a completely inept one. He was like a dinner theater version of Jeff Spicoli — an over-the-top, hammy version of the familiar dim bro. But he was hot, and thank God we have a proudly perverted denizen like Andy to confirm that.
If not Andy, who do you want to win Big Brother? An underdog like Jessie or Spencer? An achiever like Helen? An actual floater like McCrae? Enlighten me.