“Big Brother” Recap: 5 Ridiculous, Offensive, Unintentionally Stupid Soundbites

bb15teaser

Without Nick in the house to anchor Big Brother‘s minority alliance with a sense of intelligence and gamesmanship, guess what we have? A large team of good guys and a small team of baaad guys. Like, the worst. Like, national media attention has been paid to how awful they are. But this sequestered group of mean losers — Aaryn, GinaMarie, Kaitlin, and Jeremy — is almost fun to hate when you’ve got such a heroic squad against them. Amanda’s point-by-point takedown of Aaryn? Was flawless. Howard carrying away Candice as the horrible girls approached her with racist anger? Amazing. Helen nominating Aaryn and Kaitlin for eviction at the climax of the episode? Perfection. It’s almost enough to forgive the fact that Elissa, who I do like, will probably win MVP again, making her team’s crusade to victory way too easy and cheap. The girl hasn’t done much in the house besides confide in Helen and Candice, not to mention give tons of shout-outs to her sis. Does she really deserve a third week of nominating powers? I question.

GinaMarie to Candice: “What did Nick ever do to you to vote him out?”

After bawling like a monster but before getting in Candice’s face and instigating a fight, GinaMarie leaned over and squawked, “What did Nick ever do to you to vote him out?” Serious questions: 1) Has GinaMarie forgotten that this is a game? A contest? Because it seems likely, at this point. Someone has to be voted out, GinaMarie. This isn’t a living situation where villages arbitrarily kill off each other. Maybe GinaMarie just read The Crucible for the first time? 2) Dear GinaMarie: What did Nick ever do to you to make you defend his honor so much? From what I saw, he mostly avoided you. In retrospect, maybe his elimination was brilliant self-sabotage. I would basically respect that.

Aaryn to Candice: “Anybody that knows me knows that just because I’m Southern and I say things that probably aren’t appropriate all the time I have nothing against any other race. If I make a comment that seems like I do, I don’t want it to be taken that way. I don’t want to offend you.”

What a beautiful apology. Ahem, let me rephrase: What a hideous non-apology. Worse, Aaryn loosed her meek mea culpa to Candice while she was being “the bigger man” and consoling GinaMarie, who was still sobbing about Nick hours (weeks?) after his elimination. To seal the disingenuous moment, Aaryn told us, “Candice needs to know that she took my comment(s) wrong. I don’t want her to be thinking that I’m that type of person. I also don’t want her to be using that against me or spreading something that’s not true.” Right, because it’s Candice “spreading” rumors about you that’s the problem. It’s certainly not that you’re on a TV show where your every moronic quote is broadcast to the entire internet. No way.

Kaitlin to Jessie: “I’ve had your back and I’ve been so nice to you.”

The Regina George-iest thing ever to be heard in the BB house. Shudder.

Aaryn to Kaitlin, in confidence: “K-A-R-M-A. That’s what happens when you’re a mean person.”

Close! Karma is what happens when you, Aaryn, leave the Big Brother house and discover that it wasn’t a house at all! It was a TV show that recorded your angry non-thoughts, gave you ample time to apologize for being a racist, and happily allowed you to destroy yourself. Good luck nabbing that post-college internship, Aaryn. Your entire stint in the Big Brother house has been one unending, disastrous job interview.

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,