Briefs: Penises Everywhere, “The Lone Ranger” Stumbles, and Unicorn Thinks He’s Pretty Great

Briefs


Darren at the rehearsals for today’s Capitol Fourth Independence Day Concert.

Birthday shoutouts go to Becki Newton, who is 35, Koko the Gorilla is 42, and Neil Simon is 86.

Today is a holiday, so the news is light, so this Briefs will be briefer than usual. And just a reminder that we’ll be on a light schedule tomorrow, but will have a Meme, Briefs, Liveblog, and a few special posts.

Is The Lone Ranger about to become an epic flop?

More upheaval at OutServe-SLDN.

America’s Secret Queer past.

Below you can see Ze Frank‘s NSFW “Song For Freud.” I think I saw a few scrotums, too.

Here’s the latest Where The Bears Are.

Unicorn Thinks He’s Pretty Great. I’ve been there, Goat. “Ever since Unicorn moved into the neighborhood, Goat has been feeling out of sorts. Goat thought his bike was cool-until he saw that Unicorn could fly to school! Goat made marshmallow squares that almost came out right, but Unicorn made it rain cupcakes! Unicorn is such a show-off, how can Goat compete? When Goat and Unicorn share a piece of pizza, Goat learns that being a unicorn might not be all it’s cracked up to be. And when Unicorn shows his admiration for Goat, it looks like the beginning of a beautiful friendship.”

Just a reminder: Fireworks are deadly, so please be careful tonight!

And here’s The Weekly ShoutOUT™. Each week we’re going to focus on one out athlete/performer and feature a daily pic and career timeline. We’ll be showcasing the big names, but also the lesser-known gay celebs who deserve more recognition. This week we give a ShoutOUT to … Randy Harrison. Continuing Randy’s stage career, in 2009 he starred as Andy Warhol in Pop!

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Now, presenting … THE TOP 40 HORROR FILMS OF THE 80′S! Journey with me back to the birth of the Dead Teenager movie (actually, that began in the 70′s, so I guess it would be the Afterbirth Of The Dead Teenager Movie), the last gasps of the Italian Horror Masters, and the franchises that still continue today. Yes, your Freddy, Jason, and Michael will be represented, but I’m also going to pay tribute to the obscurities that deserve to be seen. At #39 is … Visiting Hours.

If you ask people what they remember about 1982′s Visiting Hours, odds are they’ll mention the TV ad above, which may be the most effective horror movie promo ever made. The actual movie doesn’t hold up as well, though, despite the presence of Lee Grant as an anti-violence crusader who … oh, the irony. It also stars Lenore Zann (the voice of Rogue in the classic 90′s X-Men animated series), and Linda Purl, in her greatest performance since starring with Shaun Cassidy in one of the most unintentionally hilarious TV movies ever made. And then there’s William Shatner. His “pudding” scene is the most horrifying moment in the movie, and still haunts my dreams all these years later. See for yourself.

The 100 Greatest Lost Hits Of The 80′s countdown is long over, but every Thursday we’re going to go back in time and pay tribute to an 80′s song that should have been a bigger hit. This week it’s “Mistake No. 3″ by Culture Club. The second single from their near-flop third album, “Mistake No.3″ was a lush ballad that deserved more than to peak at #33 in February, 1985.

Congrats to Sadie Kossovski and lazycrockett for yesterday’s Pixuzzle™ © ® Sadie guessed Super Friends, which I rule as an acceptable response, but lazycrockett had the technically correct answer with The All New Super Friends Hour.

Here’s today’s Pixuzzle™ © ®. Here are characters from a famous TV show. Can you name it?

BRIEFS GUY ON NEXT PAGE!

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