The show opens at Lena’s sad little studio apartment. Well, “sad” by Walker family standards. By my standards it’s actually pretty posh. Lena is curled up on the futon/couch/bed making out with Tommy.
Tommy looks like he’s filming a Hanes commercial because he’s padding around in a t-shirt and boxer shorts. I think these two must be post coitus because all Lena wants to do is cuddle, and Tommy can’t wait to get the hell out of there. She tries to entice him to stay with promises of waffles in the morning, but that’s not a strong enough inducement – no doubt he’s got Eggos in the freezer at his place. Besides, Tommy has to get home and wait for Julia to maybe, possibly call and remind him what a lousy husband he is and that he murdered their son by opting not to divvy up Baby Cabbage’s kidneys.
Cut to Sarah’s house. She’s reading bedtime stories to her kids via cell phone. Oh God, what a bore. No wonder they took her kids away. She finishes torturing Cooper and goes on to Paige.
Sarah: …Looks like we’re up to the Whomping Willow.
This just in: J.K. Rowling announces that the Whomping Willow is gay!
Even that breaking news isn’t enough to perk Paige’s interest. These Potter readings via cell phone are really eating into her anytime minutes. Paige begs off the bedtime story and hangs up.
Cut to McAllister on his private jet. He’s slouched down in his seat settled in for an overnight flight. He’s in that fitted blue dress shirt he always wears, only now it’s getting all rumpled. Too bad he didn’t bring some pajamas with him. He’s on the phone with Kitty.
McAllister: You’re not still at the office are you?
She is, but pretends otherwise. He asks how she’s feeling. She says she’s really exhausted and fighting the urge to vomit. Oh hey! I almost forgot that as of last week’s episode she was pregnant. I guess they’ll have to move up their wedding date if McAllister wants to be a viable presidential candidate. Presidential hopefuls don’t generally have babies out of wedlock.
McAllister: I wish I was there so I could hold your hair back when you puke.
Puke what? Kitty hasn’t actually eaten anything since 1992.
Kitty: Operation puppy is proceeding as planned.
McAllister: Do we have to call it that?
Kitty: Operation “shotgun wedding because the condom broke” just doesn’t have the same ring.
Kitty tells him she’s getting Nora to do the wedding planning, and he asks if she’s figured out how to handle the press fallout from “operation puppy.” She says she’s got it covered but fails to give details.
On cue, there’s a tap on her door and Danny Glover pokes his head in. And you know what that means. That means everybody run because the toilet is rigged to explode! (Sorry, couldn’t resist an obscure Lethal Weapon 2 reference.)