Remember way back
before TiVO, when most of us didn’t even know that individual TV episodes
had titles much less what those titles were? Sometimes I miss those days.
Particularly with an episode like this week’s B&S, where the title has me hating it even before I’ve seen a
single scene. Magic? Really, B&S
We open on wet, naked
flesh of the female variety. Sigh. I also remember the days when the ones
traipsing around half naked were Kevin’s boyfriends, which is pretty much what
got me hooked back in season one. Now, of course, it’s always Rebecca, because
this show seems utterly determined to center most episodes around the exuberant
sex life she and Justin are enmeshed in, as if that will make us forget they once
thought they were siblings. And let me tell you, ABC, I will never forget that.
NEVER! Just like I’ll never forget Bobby Ewing’s magical return from the shower,
or Fallon being abducted by aliens, or Brooke Smith being fired.
Anyway, we get all these extreme close-up shots of various
portions of the shower (Look out! It’s a gigantic showerhead coming right at
ya! Watch out, it’s the Hot Water Nozzle that ate Tokyo!) and of Rebecca’s body, a la Psycho, except it’s scored to some
lilting folksy chick music (Suzanne Vega?), as if Alfred Hitchcock decided to
return from the dead and pick up some spare cash by directing an episode of The L Word.
Rebecca emerges from the shower, and like all women on TV,
she appears to bathe in full makeup that doesn’t smudge or smear in the
slightest. Magic indeed. They do that cheesy horror movie “Boo!” tactic where
she opens the medicine cabinet and we see a psycho staring back at her in the
mirror, except in this case the psycho is Justin, who’s about as scary as a dachshund.
She gets pissed at him for startling her and says that even
though she gave him the key he should give her some warning before he barges in
on her. And he just smiles at her. Because, like many people who wind up in
long-term relationships, he’s finding that
rather than wanting to run screaming to the hills in light of his
partner’s apparent psychosis, he can actually find something charming about it.
Which is as accurate a definition of True Love as you’ll find anywhere.
So he goes ahead and says, “I love you.” And she doesn’t
even give him a “right back at ya, big guy,” instead settling for the rather
meek reply, “Thank you.” Ha! Justin’s totally the girl in their relationship!
Which makes sense, given he’s also the pretty one.
Cut to McCallister’s
Office. Kevin and Senator Arrogant Prettyboy are meeting with some other
staffer who gives me a definite gay vibe, maybe because he looks a bit like Dan
Savage (who I love!). Come to think
of it, though, McCallister’s male staffers always
give me a gay vibe (remember his campaign manager, played by Denis Hare?).
Could it be that all along this show’s been subtly making some kind of
commentary about Log Cabin Republicans? Like it’s showing us why certain gay
guys would choose to go work for Republicans, suggesting that it’s because
they’re all hoping to hook up with senators who look like Rob Lowe and/or have
hot, gay priest brothers. Which is as good an explanation for Log Cabin
Republicans as any I’ve been able to come up with.
Among the various items on their agenda, Kevin wants
McCallister to publicly affirm his opposition to Prop 8 (this is supposed to be
taking place before the election). Robert says he already made a statement
against it months ago and sees no reason to have to repeat it. Bristling at how
they refer to it as his own personal issue, Kevin reminds them that the state
Supreme Court ruled that it’s illegal to discriminate against gay marriage, and
that as a Republican, Robert is supposed to be all about respecting state
rights. I might have added that the Republicans are also supposed to be the
ones all into diminishing the role of
Federal Government in people’s lives, except of course when it comes to social
issues, which is why Republicans like Robert happily signed off on DOMA.