“DaVinci’s Demons”: Wrong Type of Snake

It’s amazing how “The Serpent” can have so many explosions without really making a bang.

That hung Jew (as in executed, get your mind out of the gutter) from last episode pops by Leonardo’s dreams for the same metaphysics lesson we saw in “The Hanged Man”. Apparently this genius needs constant reminders that time is like a river or he’ll forget.

Don’t worry about things getting redundant, because luckily Leonardo’s nap time gets interrupted for some full frontal male nudity. Even better, it’s corpse nudity! Wait, “better” isn’t the right word. Anyways, Zoroaster and Nico show up with the Jew’s dead body for some CSI: Renaissance autopsy antics. Leo discovers a fingernail and key inside the carcass’ stomach. God, what weird fad diet was this dude on?

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Meanwhile Lucrezia and Lorenzo have just finished, like, totally boning each other. Pardon me, I feel a yawn coming on. It seems Mr. Medici’s idea of pillow talk is complaining about papal emissary Girolamo Riaro’s upcoming visit. Even though Florence’s first family sees Riario as a walking kidney stone, they’re throwing him a welcome party.

Side note: That’s two episodes in a row where the Medici host a shindig. Maybe this trend will last throughout DaVinci’s Demons. Next episode Lorenzo could develop dandruff and throw Flake Fest or something.

Anyways, next we see Leonardo doing his goddamn actual job for once painting Lucrezia. His flirtations with the saucy strumpet are interrupted by Lorenzo’s sudden entrance, forcing the artist to hide. Immediately after his boss exits, Leonardo pressures her to declare him the better lover. Guess it was cool to be a humongous clinger back in those days. She’s all like “ughhh I’ve known you for a week” and he’s all like “ughhh so?”

Next, we see Leonardo demonstrating some newfangled rapid fire musket doohickey for the Medici. The scene is actually a brilliantly constructed metaphor for what will happen when Lorenzo discovers his engineer’s philandering ways. That, or it was just a gun blowing up in everyone’s faces.

Know who’s not worried about relationships? Nico. Why? Because he’s too busy being kidnapped by Riario. The poor lad gets interrogated about his recent corpse snatching. Ensuring his truthfulness, Nico is tortured with the Gom Jabbar from Dune The Widow’s Tear. It’s a nifty device which peels one layer of skin off at a time, perfect for all your exfoliating needs.

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