This week: speaking up for bisexuals, sorting out snobbishness, and finally putting an end to “That’s so gay!”
A Note From the Author: Lots of advice columns claim to have “the answers” about life, but this one really does! How can I be so sure? Because these aren’t merely my opinions: they’re the actual wisdom of the universe, which I discern, like the mystics of old, by peering into a heaping pile of pigeon guts. But not to worry: these pigeon guts are gay, gay, gay.
Need gay-related advice about life? Contact me here (and be sure and include your city and state and/or country!)
Dear Pigeon Guts: I go to a progressive school in New York City and I know that coming out as gay would be no problem. In fact, I’d probably be celebrated. The only problem is this: I’m not gay. I’m bisexual. What’s the problem you ask? Many people think a guy who comes out as bisexual is just gay and in denial. You know the saying: all "bisexuals,” guy or girl, end up with guys. I’ve even asked myself over and over again if bisexuality exists and whether I’m falsifying my feelings for the girl I like.
I’ve come to the conclusion that I have attraction to both boys and girls. I think Hugh Jackman is sexy, but so is Mila Kunis. So I don’t know what to do. Do I stay "straight" and only date girls? Do I come out as "gay" and try to date only guys? I remember the line in the movie Eating Out 2: Sloppy Seconds: "bisexuality is as unnatural as a giraffe f**king a gerbil,” or something like that. It’s times like this I wish I could communicate with the dearly departed soul of Alfred Kinsey, but you’re the next best thing. What do I do? – Reggie, New York City
The Pigeon Guts Speak:
Screw em all! And yes, I mean that figuratively and literally.
Are there gay guys that use the term “bisexual” as a way to slowly ease into the pool of homosexuality? There absolutely are. Are there closeted bisexual guys who secretly get off with men while publicly dating women and eventually settling down with someone female? I’d be a fool to say otherwise.
And there are also gay guys who don’t tell their partners they’re HIV-positive or who have public sex in bathroom stalls for the disabled, massively inconveniencing the people who really need them.
In other words, almost all negative stereotypes are sometimes true. The point is, I don’t see what any of those bisexual stereotypes have to do with you. Why in the world would people automatically assume they’re true about you? We’re all individuals and should be judged as individuals.
Mila Kunis, Hugh Jackman
I have a straight white right-wing male friend who seems constitutionally unable to see the world from any point-of-view other than his own. It’s incredibly frustrating, because he always thinks everything he thinks is logical and valid – including his endless list of perceived slights and very personal grievances – but that every other perspective in the world is that of some whiny, overly sensitive loser.
But you know what? I kind of expect that from this guy. As far as I can tell, he’s never been judged as part of a group – viewed with suspicion, like the burden of proof to be “normal” is on him, or being held accountable for the actions of other people. He doesn’t know what that feels like, how incredibly frustrating and hurtful and dehumanizing it is.
But when gay people act like sanctimonious, judgmental pricks? I just don’t get it. How can you go through the experience of being judged and stereotyped and condemned by others … but then turn around and do THE EXACT SAME THING to other people? And it’s not like we’re talking a completely unrelated human experience: is not the experience of being bisexual a hell of a lot like being gay?
I know, I know: being judgmental is human nature, and one minority turning around and immediately oppressing another one is absolutely nothing new. But I guess I think of us GLBT folks as being slightly better than average, so I always don’t get it.
Reggie, I know it’s hard, but you just have to ignore these people (that’s the first “screw em!” part). At the same time, I absolutely think you should embrace your bisexual identity and date whoever you’re interested in (that’s the other “screw em!” part).
You will be flipped crap, from both guys and girls. On the other hand, you can also look at this as something of an opportunity. People who say ignorant, stereotypical things about bisexuals are clearly judgmental pricks. And trust me, you do not want to be dating a judgmental prick. Being openly bisexual, it’s like you’ll have your own irrefutable entrance exam, to determine if someone is even worth the time of day.
And let it be said: while you might be judged harshly in the short run, you’ll look really good in the long run. Acceptance of bisexuality is where we’re all slowly heading. In the years ahead, plenty of people are going to come to you and say, “Thank you for what you did, for being open. You were a real inspiration to me.” Meanwhile, the people who now say all the stupid things about bisexuals? They’re going to hear plenty of: “I wasn’t out as bisexual at the time, but I still remember that hurtful ignorant thing you once said.”
Come out and be proud. You’ll be helping to make the world a considerably better place – and when it comes to choosing our path in life, that’s something pretty important.
Next Page! Finally putting an end to "That’s so gay!"