The new J.J. Abrams film Super 8 opens this week, and it stars Kyle Chandler as a small town sheriff who has to cope with mysterious happenings and inexplicable events that could foretell an alien invasion, or worse … the end of the world.
That got us thinking about other apocalyptic heroes throughout the years, and how their glowing hotness was used as a beacon to help guide us through to safety.
Or was the last thing we saw before the world ended.
Either way, we’re glad these guys were on our side, and present this tribute to the Hunks of the Apocalypse!
NOTE – You may be wondering why two of the most popular end-of-the-world films, Armageddon and War of the Worlds are not included.
Well, Armageddon sucks. And after watching that scene where Ben Affleck rolls animal crackers on Liv Tyler‘s naked stomach while “I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing” plays on the soundtrack and Ben poignantly argues that animal crackers aren’t really crackers “coz they’re sweet,” … well, we we’re praying for that asteroid to hurry up.
As for War of the Worlds, we’d rather be turned into alien incubators than be rescued by Tom Cruise.
Now onto the heroic hunks!
Jake Gyllenhaal in The Day After Tomorrow
Out director Roland Emmerich has a boner for destruction. His filmography includes Godzilla and Independence Day, and he hit a homerun with 2004’s The Day After Tomorrow.
Wacky weather is happening around the world due to accelerated climate change, made worse when Al Gore farts, causing a shift in the gulf-stream winds, setting up a cone of intense cold in the northeast area of the U.S.
Jake plays a gifted student visiting NYC for an academic competition, along with a pre-Shameless Emmy Rossum, a hot four-eyed nerd, and that guy from that HBO show that no one watched and was canceled.
After a storm surge traps all of them in the New York Public Library, Jake takes control of the situation and convinces a select few to remain where they are, instead of following the Arrogant Authority Figure™ outside to their doom.
Jake battles the elements, CGI wolves, and worst of all, chafing, which he could have alleviated had he just worn the outfit we were all hoping for.
Aaron Eckhart in The Core
It’s time to pay tribute to the hotness of Aaaron Eckhart. Owner of the sexiest chin in Hollywood (rumor is that he and Bruce Campbell were conjoined, but a 10 hour chinectomy separated them).
He’s played heroes and villains, but his performance in the completely scientifically accurate The Core is a career highlight. Why? Because he can keep a straight face throughout.
Aaron plays a scientist who joins Stanley Tucci (as the Pretentious Prick Who Finds His Humanity™) and Hilary Swank (I adore Hilary, but she’s lost without good material to work with) as they try to drill to the center of the earth to … find Pat Boone‘s sanity, I think. Unfortunately, they fail miserably.
But they do manage to get the Earth’s core spinning again, thanks to the sacrifices of superfluous characters, leaving just Aaron and Hilary to begin the slow, agonizing ascent to the surface, leaving them plenty of time to contemplate how their careers brought them to this moment.