“Game of Thrones”: A Frey’d Knot

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So is it just me, or are straight weddings, like, REALLY hard to sit through?

This week’s Game of Thrones started with Catelyn Stark (Michelle Fairley) giving her son Robbbb (Richard Madden) advice about his military tactics. This is just the first of many subtle ironies that will come into play this episode – so many, in fact, that it essentially becomes the bloodiest episode of Arrested Development ever even BEFORE someone remarks, “I’ve made a terrible mistake.”

Oh – in that same scene over the Risk board, Cate advises Robb to teach the Lannisters a lesson by “showing them what it feels like to lose what they love.” It’s a lesson that she’ll force Robb to learn, and she’ll learn herself all over again. The moral of this story? Violence is never the answer on The Ricki Lake Show.

Robb and co. do eventually make it to The Twins, and Walder Frey (the magnificently skeevy David Bradley) welcomes them and gives them pretzel bites. Um, thanks – how very… Yankee Stadium. Frey then parades out all of his daughters and granddaughters, each lovelier than the last. It kind of reminds me of that movie Dogfight, where the guys bet on who can have sex with the ugliest girl – aka, “that movie where Lili Taylor‘s agent stopped returning her calls.”

Frey says that he’s not upset that Robb snubbed everyone he’s ever been related to for TalisaMilano (Oona Chaplin), because he himself would betray his own mother for “firm tits and a tight fit.” Punch it in, Ram!! Seriously, Robb lets this douche talk about his wife like this in front of his men, mother, and 150 bored-looking inbreds?  Anyway, Frey wants to party, regardless – he says “let the red wine flow,” which again with the irony forecast.

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Down outside Yunkai, Daenerys Targaryen (Emilia Clarke) is trying to plan her attack with her fellas. Seriously, it’s gone from a one-woman show to a total sausage party in here, hasn’t it? Jorah Mormont (Iain Glen) totally isn’t liking that Daario Lopez (Ed Skrein) is moving in on his Khaleesi, and Daario couldn’t care less. Grey Worm (Jacob Anderson) is neutral on the subject, so the plan is made for J-Dog, G-Dubs, and D-bag to sneak in the back gate. Barristan Selmy (Ian McElhinny) wants to join but Jorah tells him to be a good servant and obey his queen’s wishes, which is totally the Westeros version of grade-grubbing, as far as I can tell.

Up north of the wall, Gilly (Hannah Murray) is still dumb. We’re talking, like, Girls-Next-Door-dumb. That is all.

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