“Game of Thrones” Recap: Ice Ice Baby

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All right, HBO – you’re not playing fair. You get us all excited by promising us AC/AL/V/N/ – YAAAAY! – and then give us an episode of Game of Thrones that boasts multiple rapes and some light child molestation. Can you come up with some new letters for that?

Messandei (Nathalie Emmanuel) and Grey Worm (Jacob Anderson) have cheer-sex after their English-lesson-slash-slave-story-comparison-session. Their fingers touch illicitly. Grey Worm practices: “KILL THE MASTERS!” Dany (Emelia Clarke) interrupts to monotone, “It’s time.”

It is night, and the Unsullieds are sneaking into the city disguised as slaves in order to kickstart their Norma Rae-style revolution. UNION YES! They interrupt a what is either an underground slave meeting or a rehearsal for the Meereen Community Playhouse production of Our Town. Grey Worm reads the Season 4 posters: “All Men Must Die;” then he delivers the Unsullieds’ corporate pitch (“I think you’ll really be impressed by our 401K plan options”) and dumps about 700 pounds worth of weapons on the ground. See you at the corporate picnic!

Outside, a rich dude with prettyboy guards is mobbed and destroyed on the street as the Targaryen flag flaps high above. Dany decides to have all the rich folk nailed to mileposts, because that’s what the 1% apparently did to a few hundred children (wait, is that what “No Child Left Behind” means?!). When her advisor-man tries to talk her out of it, she says, “I will answer injustice with justice.” They roll out the red carpet like Katy Perry has come to town… to crucify everyone. Dany looks out across her new city, presumably thinking about which city’s ass she’s going to hand to itself next.

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Back in the KL, Jaime (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) and Bronn (Jerome Flynn) spar, which ends with Bronn beating Jaime down with his own golden hand. I know that biting the hand that feeds you is a bad idea, and can’t imagine that smacking the crap out of the hand that feeds you WITH the actual hand that feeds you is any better. Bronn asks, “You wanna fight pretty or you wanna win?” and Jaime admits he has a point. Bronn says Tyrion didn’t kill Joffrey, but that maybe Jaime should ask him himself, nudge nudge. He adds that Tyrion only picked Bronn to fight for him at Eyrie because Jaime wasn’t answering his texts, not like that means that he owes him a visit in his filthy cell or anything.

Getting the hint, Jaime visits Tyrion (Peter Dinklage) and they waste no time establishing that A) Tyrion did not kill Joffrey; and B) that Tyrion knows that Joffrey was Jaime’s kid and nobody really cares. Jaime says Cersei has it in for Sansa but Tyrion insists, “Sansa’s not a killer – not yet, anyways.” Ooooh! Foreshadowing Meter is tingling.

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