“Game of Thrones”: Rub-a-Dub-Dub


A hot tub craze sweeps Westeros, a gay knight gets lanced by his new squire, and someone loses his head. Let’s dig in!

Oh, first – has anyone else noticed that no matter which cities they show in the opening titles, they always hit the elevator going up the Wall at the same soaring musical bridge in the theme song? It’s the small comforts that mean the most.

At the Brotherhood Without Banner Ads Mancave, the Lord of Light is exacting vengeance on The Hound (Rory McCann). Or not.

No, Beric Dondarrion‘s (Richard Dormer) flaming sword (no, that’s not a euphemism) is no match for The Hound’s sheer Houndiness, and he damn near cuts the guy’s arm off. Arya (Maisie Williams) is furious. But lo – ginger-bearded Thoros (Paul Kaye) murmurs something over Beric, and his wounds are healed. Wait, WHAT?

“For the night is dark and full of terrors” is spoken for the first of two times this episode.


Up north, Jon (Kit Harington) and Ygritte (Rose Leslie) – aka “Snowy Egret” – play in the snow, and then she steals his sword and strips for him in the Westerosian equivalent of a hot tub lounge. They do it, and he shows a knack for… um… “picnicking at the Y.” Oh – and before the doing it, Jon gave up which of the 19 castles on the Wall were actually being guarded, and Tormund Superbeard (Kristofer Hivju) muttered, “I like you, boy, but if you lie to me, I’ll pull your guts out through your throat.”

Jamie (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) and Brienne (Gwendolyn Christie), meanwhile, are brought to Lord Michael Roose Bolton (Michael McElhatton), who promptly sets Brienne free with his apologies and a gift basket and sends Jamie to a doctor after filling him in on what happened at Blackwater (spoiler alert: his sister… is… unfortunately… actually… not… un… anti… dead.).

Doctor Creepy wants to take Jamie’s whole arm, but Jamie has his golf game and the show’s CGI budget to think of (never forget Tyrion’s nose!) and opts for just a bit of a trim off the end, really. He also refuses morphine. Memo to Jamie: WHAT THE F*CK?

Back at King’s Landing, Cersei (Lena Headey) visits Petyr “Littlefinger” Baelish (Aidan Gillen) to tell him to spy on the Tyrells. He’s totally all about it.

In Tyrion‘s (Peter Dinklage) quarters, he welcomes Lady Olenna (Dame Diana Motherf*cking Rigg), who sends iPod (Daniel Portman) scrambling for some f*cking figs, because nana’s got some downstairs business brewing that only figs can fix. I cannot tell you how much I love this woman, especially after she tells Tyrion that a royal wedding is more important than feeding the poor and then agrees to pay for half of it before taking a bite of fig and bee lining to the nearest growler.

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