Veritable camp explosion Who Wants to Be a Superhero? really came into its own in last night's episode, which featured a gay support group, a cackling, poorly-accented supervillainess, a spelling bee and a fashion show. It's every obsessive compulsive gay superhero wannabe's dream come true.
As we begin, we find bottom-3-er Miss Limelight having a minor nervous breakdown, which one imagines is probably an hourly occurrence at the coffee bar where she usually works. Whaddaya know, the two heroes to come to her emotional rescue are gay hero Parthenon (Did he just make her tea?! Ah — and there's the sympathy.) and lesbian hero Whip-Snap. Good to see our queer allies caring for the wounded, but the most interesting point was that the show bleeped out Whip-Snap's use of the word "dyke". She was using it in the context of being called names, and it was interesting to see the show opt for caution.
Next the heroes come up against a villainess named Bee Sting, who looks like someone ordered an "Amanda from Ugly Betty type" and forced her to adopt a ridiculous accent after watching old Boris and Natasha cartoons. The heroes are subjected to a spelling bee as they are assaulted by bees while watching Bea Arthur's one-woman show. Okay, I made that last part up — but it they probably considered it before seeing Bea's day-rate.
They wind up covered in honey, and when stripped of their outfits are called upon by Stan Lee to discuss their powers and catchphrases. Parthenon runs his phrases, "Who says diamonds are a girl's best friend" and "Bling's my thing," past his fellow heroes, and they go over like a lead balloon, but he doesn't care. Stan seems to dig his powers, though. Whip-Snap cries again while discussing the obstacles she's overcome. This poor thing is going to need a super-dose of super-Xanax pretty soon.
Then we get to the best part of the whole series run, which — much like Top Model – is the makeovers. Parthenon seems delighted with his new outfit, which is very similar to the original but adds gold tights and some Greco detailing to the skirt. He admires himself in the mirror like he's in a prom-shopping montage from a teen movie, and then says — with a tiny bit of sass in his head-snap — "I'm Parthenon … Rock on!"
It may be his cutest moment yet.
Miss Limelight looks like a Dallas Cowgirl. Hygena looks like a housekeeper at a high-end fetish dungeon … so no real change there. Basura looks plain old smokin' hot and is making me have feelings that make me uncomfortable. Hyper-strike hates his costume, and Mr. Mitzvah is just lucky to have pants on again. Mind Set should just be grateful that he doesn't look like a suppository anymore.
Anyway, we move on to elimination, which is easily the most padded and drawn-out in reality competition history. Suppository Man goes home for being a bull-headed moron, and it looks like the show is over — but the gayest moment is yet to come!
After the heroes are given communicators (Parthenon contributes the requisite "I love accessories" comment) we suddenly cut back to Bee Sting, who is on an important phone call. I'm hoping it's with her agent, but no — she's talking to another baddie, Doctor Black Party or whatever his name is. But wait — why is the supervillain lounging on a bed, gabbing on the phone like a teenager from the "Telephone Song" number from Bye Bye Birdie?!
"Hi, Bee Sting!"
"Hi, Black Party!"
"What's the story, Mornin' Glory?"
"What's word, hummingbird?"
"Did you hear how flippin' gay Superhero is this season?!"
And it that a pink shag throw upon which he's languishing? Okay, I'm sold. See ya next week, heroes!