“Glee” Episode 212 Recap: Stalker at the Gap

After weeks and weeks of no Glee, we now have a kind of Glee
overload: two episodes, two days apart. And those two episodes could hardly be
more different from each other.

The Valentine’s Day episode focused almost entirely on the glee
kids. Sue wasn’t in the episode at
all; neither was Principal Figgins. There
continued to be no Emma, and while Mr. Schuester and Coach Beiste had a couple of scenes, they amounted to nothing but
some fast humor. This was all about the kids.

We start out with Puck
in a mental voice-over in which he acknowledges he’s not exactly a mental giant,
but he has learned two lessons in life, which are: “Never punch a cop, and
you can’t choose love; love chooses you.” Seems our Noah has fallen in
love with the awesome Lauren Zizes,
and who can blame him? I fell for her myself last week. Who knew I had a thing
for women in football uniforms? But I digress.

Because, you see, Lauren’s not interested. It turns out the
“seven minutes in heaven” with Puck she bargained her Glee Club membership
on turned out to be a dud for her. And she’s not digging his mournful gaze on
her in class much, either, telling him, “Stare at me again, and I’ll break
your nuts.”

And in true Puck form, the more she rejects him, the more he
wants her.

Next we get to hear Finn‘s
thoughts as he struts and swaggers down the halls of McKinley High while
everyone gazes at him worshipfully now that he’s led the Titans to the first
conference championship in the school’s history. That’s our Finn, in his own
mental voiceover words, “Walking taller and carrying a bigger stick – and
using it to fight off the ladies.”

Even Becky Jackson‘s
fallen for him, and gives him a Valentine’s heart.

But the only girl he wants, his thoughts tell us, is Quinn. Maybe, he thinks, he couldn’t
make things work with Rachel because he’s still in love with Quinn. And then
the “big stick” rears its ugly head and he says… er, thinks… that he
could get her away from Sam if only
he could get her to kiss him. And I’m thinking, wait. Didn’t you guys kiss at
the end of the last episode just two days ago? Didn’t work then, why is it
going to all of a sudden work now?

Cut away to Starbucks, or its Glee-verse equivalent. It’s
all decorated for Valentine’s Day, and Kurt
is regarding two stuffed kissing dogs with horror. And in my best mental voiceover I say in my own
head, “Oh, expressive acting face of Chris
Colfer
, how I have missed you!”

He’s with Blaine, and he
asks him, “What is this supposed to be?”

Blaine
is mystified by Kurt’s attitude. “It’s clearly puppy love. It’s
cute.”

Just like the bitchin’ little atheistic rebel we know he is,
Kurt sniffs that Valentine’s Day is just an excuse to sell candy and greeting
cards.

Blaine
feels differently, and says it’s his favorite holiday. And then he asks Kurt to
help him because there’s a guy he likes, and does Kurt think it’s silly to sing
to someone on Valentine’s Day? Just as he asks his question, the barista asks
him for his order, and he promptly responds, “A medium drip coffee and a
grande nonfat mocha for this guy, and maybe I could get him to split one of
those cupid cookies…”

“You know my coffee order?” Kurt asks, wonder
dancing across his face.

“Of course I do.” And when Kurt reaches for his
wallet, he adds, “Don’t even bother dummy. It’s on me.” (I listened
to that twice to be sure he said “dummy,” which I tend not to think
of as a term of endearment.)

But our Kurt is fine with it. “I do believe I have a
new favorite holiday,” he says to no one in particular. Or maybe it was
the barista.

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