The minute the last chilling scene of Glee’s “winter finale” ended, I was inundated with angry Tweets from people who had very strong ideas about what should be in this recap.
Some were furious that their favorite couple didn’t get more storyline. Others were pissed off that bad things happened to characters they love. Yet others were angry about the exploitation of serious issues like suicide, bullying, homophobia, and violence being used to manipulate emotional reactions out of their audience and create an exciting cliffhanger.
All those things were certainly present in this episode. I was unspoiled for it, so when Dave tried to kill himself in the beginning of the episode, I was shocked and sick and so upset it made it hard for me to focus on, or even follow, the rest of the episode; it felt a little dream-like.
In the middle, I kept thinking terrible things would happen to the other characters. For example, I kept thinking Sue would miscarry, and for a while I was worried about Sebastian and what he would do.
Then at the end, when Quinn was driving and looking at her texts, I got another sick feeling and thought, I just can’t take this.
So if you think this recap is not amusing, I’m sorry. There were definitely some enjoyable and funny scenes, and I’ll try to do them justice, but I’m afraid that Glee‘s plot to manipulate our emotions actually worked on me. I’m not a happy recapper.
The episode got off to a great start, I’ll give it that. We open with what my notes describe as “evil Sebastian blackmail scene.” Rachel and Kurt are looking at wedding magazines, and he’s pointing out that if her choice of gown is timeless enough, she can put off her wedding a few years and still wear it. Love ya, Kurt baby.
Sebastian slithers up and says, “Well, well, well. If it isn’t a young Barbra Streisand and an old Betty White. Where is gay Cyclops? Still trying to stumble his way in?”
Kurt turns to Rachel. “We can’t come here anymore.”
Sebastian, with a racist comment about Tina, tells Rachel that if she doesn’t withdraw from Regionals, he’s going to upload Photoshopped images of Finn in high heels and, apparently, with shriveled genitalia, to the Internet, where it will live for all eternity whenever someone searches for “Finn Hudson.” In other words, he’s going to Santorum Rachel’s honey. Although I find it difficult to believe there will be a lot of Google searches on “Finn Hudson” within the Glee universe, since we’re being given a guy who will spend the rest of his life holding Rachel’s purse.
“You give a bad name to the entire gay community,” Kurt tells him.
“And you give the gay community cutting edge fashion that’s usually only seen on Puerto Rican pride floats,” Sebastian replies racistly.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you,” Kurt says. “I was distracted by your giant horse teeth.”
In the choir room, Finn goes nuts when he sees the photo, but Will urges him to stay calm. “I contacted the headmaster of Dalton… “
Blaine cuts him off. “Like you did when Sebastian almost blinded me? What’d they do then? Same thing as they’re going to do now, nothing.”
Rory and Sugar feel Finn’s pain. “If someone posted a picture of me like that online I’d probably kill myself,” Sugar says.
“Twice to be sure I was dead,” Rory agrees.
Which isn’t funny or, I think, meant to be funny, once you see where this episode goes.
Rachel refuses to “negotiate with terrorists” by withdrawing from Regionals, and Finn can’t believe she’d let those photos get out. He storms out of the room.
Sue calls Quinn into her office so she can announce she’s pregnant and they can have a bizarre little tête-à-tête about morning sickness.
Quinn asks to be allowed back on the Cheerios, and Sue turns her down, half because she’s being snarky Sue and half because she doesn’t think it’s fair to the girls who stuck with the team all year for Quinn to come back.
And now we’re done with the normal funny (albeit sometimes questionably so) Glee stuff.