How’d I Miss My Coming Out? (Part 7): O Brother, Where Art Thou?

Remember a few parts back when I said I had a huge crush on this girl in the 3rd grade? I’d like to say that was the last time I fell for a girl but it so wasn’t. If you were anything like my cluelessly gay self you probably dated girls throughout the years and have war stories of both shock and awe to share. I thought I’d take a few minutes to share a couple stories from my youthful trysts with the *gag* opposite sex that have one common thread.


O Brother, Where Art Thou?

I wish I could say this was a story about me getting it on with George Clooney but it’s not (though I have seen him shirtless playing basketball in person before
and one of us may or may not count that as a sexual experience).  This is a tale of two girls I dated and the behind-the-scenes love affairs I had with their male siblings … in my mind, at least.

The first girl I ever kissed was this basketball-playing blonde Amazonian named Dee Dee, who I actually became really good friends with after our short-lived 7th grade relationship.  I learned many things while dating Dee Dee, one being that if you don’t kiss just right you can get too much air in your nervous little mouth and make yourself sick.  (Gagging is oh-so-romantic on a first date.)  I also learned that I was overly romantic and had a slightly feminine and dramatic side.


A local radio station had something called Z89 Love Lines where lovelorn horny teens could call in and dedicate songs to their flings of the week.  Every kid in our school listened to the show and it was a big deal to get your request on air. 

The minute I had a girlfriend, I was so excited to actually call in.  It didn’t bother me that mostly girls made all the requests, I was not to be stopped.  I could have picked something light and fun but instead I was the boy who called in and declared The Jets’ "You Got It All" as "our song" for all of Central New York to hear. 

The DJ even made a comment about a boy calling in to dedicate such a sappy tune.  It was horrifying but I loved the grand gesture and flair of it all … I mean come on, I was on the radio!

The most important thing she taught me was the power of denial.  Denial is a scary wonderful thing because in 7th grade I was blind to one of the reasons I was dating Dee Dee in the first place:

Her brother

Sure she was sweet and great fun to be around, but you know there’s a problem when you don’t think twice about calling her house when you know she’s not home in hopes of getting someone else to pick up.  I would spend the next 20 minutes making random and rambling conversation not with my girlfriend but with her older brother, Matt.  We’d talk about the latest episode of Kate & Alley or how many jelly bracelets I could wear up my arm before the circulation was cut off or even about the weather before he would eventually just hang up.  They were magical, those phone conversations!  I imagine he placed the phone down, walked away and let me, the tazmanian devil of talking, have my way with him before he swung back around and placed the handset back on the receiver without ever saying a word.  It was a healthy relationship, I’m sure of it. 

You’d think it would have dawned on me that I was crushing on her smokin’ hot runner’s body brother but that realization didn’t kick in until graduation when I saw him again and he looked just as fine as he had when I was in 7th grade and dating his sister.  What can I tell ya?  The body wants what the mind won’t let you have yet.  

Something very similar happened right after I got to college and right before I was able to fully realize and accept that I should come out. 

At the time I was saying that I was "bisexual" because not only was it easier in my head to accept, but I felt it wasn’t as crushing to the world around me if there was at least a glimmer of hope that I could still date the female persuasion. 

Without my knowledge I’d randomly befriended a brother/sister duo that I didn’t realize were siblings until it was too late.  I know that sounds odd but believe me, it’s the truth.  


I first met The Brother through some random friends of mine.  He was alt-country punk goth-ish with jet black Kurt Cobain hair and black nail polish who played guitar … all sorts of hot in 1993. 

He worked in a record store and was really quite girly for being a straight boy.  There was something so attractive about his embracing the feminine and not being afraid to look gay (even though he wasn’t) that it turned me on. 

The Sister was this cute hardcore girl I met through some of my straight-edge friends who after a couple weeks I asked out on a date, and she accepted.  We planned our first outing as a shopping trip … who doesn’t love the mall?  Don’t laugh, there’s not much to do in my town so the mall was a viable date option and besides, I could kill two birds with one stone and pick up a few things while I was there.  I said don’t laugh. Okay laugh … get it over with, already.

On the night we were to hit the Mall, I drove to her house and rang the doorbell.  Imagine my surprise when the cute alt-country punk gothish kid with the jet black Kurt Cobain hair and black nails answered the door.  I honestly thought he was there to hanging out with us and that she didn’t realize this was a date … for us. 

I asked what he was doing there and that’s when it hit me, OMG she’s already dating someone, I’m a total tool!  Not quite … it never dawned on me that these two were actually siblings. 

While I wasn’t ready to say I wanted to date guys, this spoke volumes about why I was attracted to her.  Side by side, they were like spitting images of each other and it was easier and safer for me to date the sister; it was just a plus that she kicked as much ass as he did.

I don’t know how or why I never questioned my need to associate with these girls and their connection to these boys but man, I was the most clueless soon-to-be-gay kid ever.  Please tell me some of you out there had a similar experience or pattern of attraction!

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