“Misfits” 3.06: The Reason Condoms Were Invented

We begin at a wild party. Rudy is drinking himself to oblivion while desperately trying to find a woman who’ll shag him. He compliments one woman’s collarbone (I’ll give him points for originality), another woman’s hair, a third woman’s thin ankles. Polaroid’s are taken throughout the night, documenting the debauchery.

Finally one of the women is willing to have sex with him. God knows why, but okay. In the bedroom, just as they’re about to go at it, she stops him.

“I don’t want to do this if it’s just a one night stand. Promise you’ll call me tomorrow.”

Rudy agrees to call her as he’s unzipping his pants. They shag. Wild and unprotected, as is usual for Rudy (“Pretty girls don’t get HIV”). When they’re done, and he’s putting on his pants again, he casually tosses out this bon mot.

“You’re wonderful and all. But I think it’s fair to say I won’t be calling you.”

She is, understandably, angry. She reaches up and grabs his crotch. Unbeknownst to him, her hand glows as particles travel from her palm into Rudy’s package. He leaves her, coldly; basically telling her to have a nice life.

The next morning, Rudy is recounting these adventures to the gang… or the parts he can recall, which isn’t all that much. He has her phone number, though. Written down on a yellow flyer that he promptly rips up. He tells them that women are like dogs. If you get attached and they die, it’s your fault for owning a dog.

The ice cream truck dings and Rudy is off to buy a cone. Simon and Curtis trail after him.

Meanwhile, Kelly and Seth are in a car making out. They are briefly interrupted by Rudy, but Kelly tells him, in no uncertain terms, to f–k off. The spell is broken. Besides, she has to report for duty, despite the death of yet another probation worker.

“They always send a new probation worker after we kill one,” she tells Seth.

Love. This. Girl.

Kelly invites Seth in with her, which he gladly accepts.

At the ice cream truck, Curtis and Rudy both notice the curves of the pretty ice cream staffer in the truck. Curtis stammers nervously, when suddenly he feels a familiar pang. When the staffer’s back is turned, he, very unwillingly transforms into Mel. It isn’t long before Mel changes back into Curtis. Something is definitely off with his power.

At the community center, Rudy goes to the bathroom to take a slash when, after unzipping and letting the monster out, screams.

In the hallway outside of the restroom, Simon has a vision of the future. And in this future, Rudy’s penis has fallen off. Yes, folks. Fallen off. The woman who gave Rudy this horrendous outcome tells him that it’s revenge for Rudy being such a, well, penis to her.

Simon snaps out of his future trance and goes to the restroom to share his vision with Rudy. To say he’s not pleased is to be an early frontrunner for 2013 Understatement of the Year. Simon tells him that it’s the result of a power. Rudy believes that if he can find her and have sex with her again, that will reverse the power and he and his junior will go back to normal. Only problem… Rudy doesn’t remember who she is.

Very Hangover like, Simon realizes they have a clue. The flyer Rudy ripped up. More importantly, the phone number written on the back of it. After finding almost all of the scraps, Simon tapes the flyer back together. However, it is missing the last two digits.

Simon presses Rudy for details on what each of the possible three women he chatted up look like. He can only remember Skinny Ankles, Red Hair, and Collarbone. Their only choice is going back to the scene of the crime, er, party in the hopes that the woman lives there.

Rudy and Simon arrive at the flat and walk in. They go to the bedroom where the deed took place, finding a sleeping woman there. Skinny Ankles. Rudy, believing this to be the woman who gave him the STD from hell, wants to have sex with her while she’s slumbering. Simon tells him, emphatically, that he would be raping her. She wakes up from the rancor.

Simon leaves Rudy to his seduction plot and hangs out in the living room. At the same time, Rudy tells Skinny Ankles that he wants to be her boyfriend and they should seal the deal with a bit of sex. She breaks the news to him. She never slept with him. She gets a bit of news, herself. That Rudy had sex with someone on her bed. Ugh.

Sitting in the living room, Simon discovers the Polaroid photos. More clues, which is helpful when Rudy comes back to tell Simon the bad news. Simon shows Rudy a photo with him and a woman with red hair. They ask another woman living at the party flat about the girl in the photo and she gives them the address.

Back at the community center, while Kelly and Seth have their way with each other in a sports equipment room, Alisha and Curtis play a round of foosball. Curtis suddenly switches to Mel again, this time complaining of having sore breasts. Alisha realizes that something deeper might be affecting Curtis/Mel’s power.

 

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