Morning Meme: Aston Kutcher Is Broken-Hearted, “J. Edgar” Gets a Prime Date and We Discuss Sexy Nerds

We still don’t know how Charlie
Harper
will exit Two and a Half Men, or how Ashton Kutcher enters the show, but we do know Ashton is playing Two and a Half MenWalden Schmidt, a broken-hearted Internet billionaire.

A public school board in Missouri has voted to ban novels such as Kurt Vonnegut’s Slaughterhouse Five that they deem
“contrary to the Bible.” I keep alternating being amused by the
audacity of the move that can’t possibly stand up to a lawsuit and totally
horrified that they feel they can do this.

Michael Patrick King
says that his new show Two Broke Girls isn’t just Sex
and the City
on a budget, which is good, because he finally admits that
there was no possible way the women in Sex
and the City
could exist in Manhattan.

Fox News says that Spongebob is pushing a global warming agenda on children (and using
government money to do something a chunk of the population disagrees with –
irony!) when the science is still very Katy Perrymuch in doubt. I thought Spongebob was pushing a gay agenda. Did
I miss a memo?

In what can only be a sign on the End Times, Katy Perry has a real shot at smashing Michael Jackson’s record for the most #1 singles from an album.

Alec Baldwin is set to host the season premiere of Saturday Night Live for
the record 16th time. At some point, doesn’t SNL feel like a rerun anyhow, even when it’s new?Laurence Fishburne

A new study finds that 92% of former Speaker Newt Gingrich’s Twitter followers aren’t’ actual people, just
bots and companies, many paid to follow him.

Laurence Fishburne
is set to play Perry
White
in the Man of Steel reboot with Henry
Cavill
.

Sao Paulo is just a mayoral signature away from hosting the world’s first Straight Pride. While it’s
easily argued that every day is Straight Pride, I can think of no other city in
the world it’s more true of than Sao Paulo. I spent a couple of weeks down
there, and the inhabitants just ooze sex appeal – male, female, gay or straight.
They didn’t walk, they strutted. I never did figure out when they slept. They
dined at midnight, danced until 5 am, and headed back to work by 8am. Every
trip left me exhausted, even with the hotel waking me up with hot chocolate.

The new drama Revenge has
announced the addition of hunky
Robbie
Amell
to the cast as part of a love triangle Robbie Amellthat includes a girl and Connor Paolo (Eric on Gossip Girl). I suppose it’s too much to hope that he’s bi and
in a triangle with the other two?

Lady Gaga has spent a lot of time with Terry Richardson for her new photobook, and now comes the news that
she did some pictures while peeing into a cup as Terry cheered her on, snapping
away.

It turns out a significant portion of the populace love sex
for the fun of sex, and is completely fine without an orgasm. And some of them
aren’t even high!

While it’s unlikely they can get visas or would even bother
to show up, the Westboro Baptist Church’s latest cry for publicity is to announce they intend to
picket the funerals in Norway for the victims of the terrorist.

I first learned of Q ratings from Murphy Brown, but it’s
basically how Hollywood measures likability of their talent. And this year’s most likable celebrity on television is NCIS‘s
Pauley Perrette. We
were fairly fon
J Edgard of her as well.

Warner Bros. must like what it has in J. Edgar with Leonardo DiCaprio and Armie Hammer, because it’s set a limited release for November 9th, which is
prime Oscar voter real estate.

Gawker would have us believe that the Catholic Church in
South Florida is run by a secret gay cabal. If so, I wasted my years
living down there.

This chart about arguing on the Internet is nearly perfect, except it’s
missing one rule: the first person to invoke Hitler/Nazis loses by default.

Head over to Towleroad
for steamy pictures
of Danny Roberts
(The
Real World
) and Darryl Stephens
(Noah’s
Arc
) from an as-yetBeavis and Butthead-untitled series. You might want to take a towel.

A third Snow White
film is in development, this time at Disney. It will focus on her seven warrior
protectors. Can’t a man get some singing woodland creatures somewhere?

Since MTV won’t pay to license music videos for Beavis
& Butthead
to mock, and mocking Jersey Shore all the time
would be too easy, movies are going to be a staple of the duo, starting with The
Human Centipede
.

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