Morning Meme: Elijah Wood Is “Saucy Gay Friend,” Ben Cohen Takes America, and What’s Your Unicorn Name?

I’m back! And coming to you from the shiny new
AfterElton.com satellite office in Sophia, WV. Yeah, everyone else thinks it’s
weird I’m here, too. Did you miss me? I missed you. Well, some of you. I’ve got
a mix of new news and things I think we should have talked about last week, so
let’s get to it.Gandalf

Peter Jackson has decided to release his Hobbit films in December
of 2012 and 2013. He’s also decided to title the first The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey,
and the second The Hobbit: There and Back Again. He’s yet to name the giant
vault he must be building to put in all the money that he’s going to make.

While we were all spending time with friends and family in
the U.S., honoring those who served and gave their lives, not everything went
well. In very gay Rehoboth Beach, Washington Blade reporter Chris Johnson was attacked and beaten on his way to the Blue Moon Bar. I’ve
met Chris, and he’s a remarkably intelligent, thoughtful guy, and I wish him a
speedy recovery and swift justice.

Ellen DeGeneres
and Portia have reportedly put their Beverly Hills compound on the market.
Rumored asking price? $60 million dollars. But as a bonus, you basically own
the entire street, and she bought one house just because it could see into her
yard.

Speaking of homes, at If It Were My Home,
you can compare basic essentials of life, from income, HIV rates, health care
and such between almost Fry and Gagaany pair of countries. Being a citizen of the U.S., I
basically would have to give up money to live anywhere else, but it looks like my
expenses would drop drastically and my quality of life would go through the
roof.

If this profile in Financial Times is any indication, I
do believe that Stephen Fry is as enamored with Lady
Gaga
as is every other gay man. Somehow, I find that surprising. I also
find it surprising that this story is in the Financial Times, but they do touch
on the fact that at one point when Lady Gaga had five #1 singles, she was
completely bankrupt.

In a hard hitting investigation that includes highlighting
and circling each character’s bulge, Vulture rates just How Vulnerable Are Superheroes Crotches? Spandex doesn’t
provide nearly the defense that a metal codpiece does, but no bulge seemed to
match up to Captain America’s.

Lisa Kudrow, who
really can’t do a project since Friends without a gay aspect, is set to host the Webby Awards.Kirk and Spock

For reasons that I can’t quite fathom, Jordan is preparing to open a $1 billion, 184-acre Star
Trek
themed amusement park in 2014. No word on which of the franchise
it will focus on, but if they want people to buy tickets, I’d avoid Enterprise.

Tonight, Capitol Pride will kick off Pride Month with a screening of Gay Pioneers. As a bonus, Frank Kameny and Lilli Vincenz will be on hand for a
Q&A after the screening.

I’m guessing James
Franco
is going more the comedy route with Oz, The Great and Powerful
since he’s looking to cast Zach Braff as Frank, the
Wizard’s loyal assistant. But will Michael Jensen still be as enamored with
Braff without his bromantic partner?

David Furnish Elton JohnSir Elton John
and David Furnish are nominated for Celebrity
Dads of the Year
in the U.K. It’s believed to be the first time a gay
couple has been in the running.

As the publicity machine for Beginners gears up, Christopher Plummer tells People
about his character’s late-in-life coming out. “There’s no
shame to it—it frees him. It gives you such hope that you can feel happy about
the end of your life rather than feel sorry for yourself.”

Rep. Mike Turner,
the top Democrat in Tennessee says that bills like “Don’t Say Gay” and
repealing local anti-discrimination ordinances make the state look “buck toothed and barefoot.” If there’s
an upside to these horrible bills for me, it’s that suddenly West Virginia
looks progressive.

Remember that story about how cats drink, creating a vortex
of water with their fancy tongue action? Well it turns out dogs do the same thing, instead of just lapping it up. So
there’s another myth of cat superiority blown out of the … water.

Mark Zuckerberg
doesn’t just run one of the most terrifying companies in the world, the Facebook founder is also now trying to
appreciate his foodMark Zuckerberg more. How’s he doing that? By only eating what he kills himself. He’s been blogging about
it, and getting a lot of hate mail. But his logic actually makes a lot of
sense. But I’m still just going to the market.

The House approved the anti-gay Armed Forces appropriations bill,
with measures in place to halt Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell repeal, and restrict
facilities on bases further from military spouses. The bill passes with a
disappointing number of Democratic votes.

Roseanne Barr is in negotiations for a recurring role on Chelsea Handler’s Are You There Vodka? sitcom
as Handler’s aunt. It’s unclear if she’d play young Chelsea’s aunt, or Handler’s
aunt, since Handler is playing young Chelsea’s mother.

To prep you for our own upcoming interviews with the cast of
Torchwood:
Miracle Day
, Entertainment Weekly talked to John Barrowman. He says the heart of the show is still there, and that
Captain Jack “gets to have full-on boy-sex a couple of times. On those days
going to work I’d wake up and Scott my partner would say, ‘What are you filming
today?’ And I’d say, ‘Oh it’s going to be a tough day, I get to have sex with a
24 year old.’”

But maybe the most shocking quote came from Russell T. Davies, ““The portrayal of
gay, bisexual, and lesbian characters [in America] is currently way ahead of
Britain. The kids on Glee, the beauty and detail of that
couple on Modern Family. We’ve got nothing like that. Even a nice
Republican sitcom like $#*! My Dad Says, a show I quite
liked, was stacked with intelligent gay-friendly stories, and that’s in a
corner you’d never expect to find them. Of course, it’s all the gay men and
women sitting on writing teams pushing their stories forward, which I think is
wonderful.”

Elijah Wood, a
longtime crush of mine, is not only coming to television in Wilfred,
he’s also joining the cast of Celeste and Jesse Forever, in which
he plays Celeste’s business partner,
described as a “saucy gay friend.”

And finally, I want you to know about the Unicorn Name Generator.
Unicorns are magical creatures, and deserves special names. This one will
generate your own unicorn name, along with your special attributes. Mine is Bracken Misty Horse. “Bracken is
generous of spirit and always thinks the best of others. He is misty like the
blue mountains, and he chases the nightmares away.” Tell us about yours in the
comments!

 

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