Morning Meme: Reese Witherspoon Is “The Beard,” Matthew Mitcham Makes a Promise, and Karl Urban Gets Sexy In “The Loft”

For those of us of a certain age, we have fond memories of a certain cat-eating alien named Alf Alf(my backstory?) Now a big screen version of the lovable sitcom is in development, but rather than a puppet, it will be CGI/live action. Is anyone else excited?

Did you ever wonder why the penis is shaped like that? Now you can know. Note: it’s a video answer on autoplay when you click the link.

Pity the kids in Louisiana who choose a private school with this laughable curriculum based on Biblical teachings, like the fact that humans and dinosaurs lived on the earth together, or that dinosaurs were really fire breathing dragons. I wish I was kidding.

The ACLU is already saying that the new federal law restricting demonstrations at military funerals may violate the First Amendment.

Donald FaisonDonald Faison is in talks to play Dr. Gravity in Kick Ass 2, fighting alongside Kick Ass. I wonder if their bromance can rival Turk and J.D.?

SyFy is heading back to space (finally) with a new project called Clandestine, about a group of mercenaries that hide in an intergalactic fleet.

Proof that cats are not only evil robots, but are actually made from spare parts.

Hate group leader Bryan Fischer is still defending remarks that Christians should form an “underground railroad” to steal children from gay parents.

HarperCollins is sticking with a plan to offer Berenstein Bears books in Chick-Fil-A kids meals, framing it as a free speech issue. “As a publisher, HarperCollins is committed to the freedom of speech. We have a long history of diversity and inclusiveness, and work tirelessly to protect the freedom of expression for all of our authors. It is not our practice to cancel a contract with an author, or any other party, for exercising their first amendment rights.”

Scandal in the Olympic Village as non-Durex condoms are put out for the athletes. The 150,000 Durex supplied wasn’t enough?

Bruno Gunn has been cast as Brutus in Catching Fire.Bruno Gunn

Madonna is set to hand out pink wristbands at her St. Petersburg concert in support of gay rights. They’re said to play into the show she has planned, which would be in defiance of the ban on the promotion of homosexuality in the city.

A new survey says that just over 7% of men who watched bareback porn were led to have unprotected sex by watching it. What was more shocking to me was that 25% of respondents had videotaped themselves having sex, and half of them had uploaded it to the internet.

A law signed by downer Gov. Tim Pawlenty restricted people from drinking until 8 AM on their 21st birthday so they didn’t rush out to binge right when they turned legal.

Jon Favreau says that he’s directing the big screen adaptation of Jersey Boys. How does one work fight scenes into that?

If you thought Ryan Lochte was going away after the Olympics, you were wrong. He’s been offered two different reality shows, new endorsements every day, and an offer to start the fashion line he’s always wanted.

Rob HalfordCrystal the Monkey has been everywhere lately. The star of The Hangover 2 and upcoming Animal Practice is making bank for it too – she nets $12,000/episode for the sitcom.

Out Judas Priest frontman Rob Halford is a fan of the debate around Chick-Fil-A. “What you’re seeing here are the elements of the American Constitution in all of their glory. It’s a wonderful thing to see happening and talk about and the fact that everyone is discussing the gay rights issue is great.”

Reese Witherspoon is set to star in the romantic comedy The Beard, about a woman cavorting with a gay man. I honestly think I could die of old age without this movie being made and not feel like I missed anything.

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