“Project Runway” recaplet (5.05): Mind your own ladybusiness

 

Suede and Terri butt vajayjays

Okay, that’s what I’m talkin’ about. After four weeks of "meh…", things are finally starting to settle in over at Parsons, where the remaining designers are given their first team challenge … which always seems to be the point where the wheels start to come off the wagon.

Meaning, it’s finally time to tune in!

This week’s challenge asked the designsketeers™ to make a day-to-night wear for the high-powered (yet bohemian!) businesswoman played by guest judge Brooke Shields in Cross-Promotion Lipstick Jungle. And perhaps right in line with the "girl power" theme, there was some serious bad girl behavior going on.

We start off at the ATLAS apartments, where we find Daniel musing on his near-elimination while working out in the gym with Keith. [INSERT KEITH/DANIEL SLASHFIC HERE] Daniel says that he will do anything he can to avoid being on the bottom again. [EDIT KEITH/DANIEL SLASHFIC]

Meanwhile, does anyone remember a cartoon series from the 80s called Silverhawks that featured a creepy, unintelligible character named Copper Kid? Well, on the way out of the apartment he says something about "dramalicious". 

Blayne is tanned and ready for battle

Okay, you know what? Shutthef*ckupalicious.

Back at Parsons Heidi teases them with a vague description of the challenge and they go up to the workroom to meet their guest judge, who is of course Brooke Shields. Note the look on Rosie the Riveted‘s (Stella’s) face when Brooke walks in: Nothing. Not an ounce of recognition. They could have brought out Sandra Bernhard again and just said it was Brooke Shields and she’d probably have been none the wiser.

The rest are excited, although honestly if it were me I’d be terrified. I love Brooke Shields, I really do, but I’ve only actually seen her in three movies and based on that my outfit for her would either be made of thatch and coconut shells (The Blue Lagoon), a flaming first communion dress (Alice, Sweet Alice), or … well, her brains spattered all over the shower (Freeway). None really screams "day-to-night businesswoman". 

Brooke knows best

 

They’re also told that they’ll have to work in pairs, with Brooke picking six of the designers to be team leaders based on their pitches. Interestingly, the teams are all boy/girl: Blayne/Leanne, Terri/Suede, Keith/Kenley, Korto/Joe, Kelli/Daniel, and Jerell/Stella. Are we ready for a battle of the sexes? ‘Cause we’re gonna get one.

First to enter the fray are Terri and Suede, whose different ways of working cause friction (Suede plans, Terri kind of goes with the flow). Unable to deal with Suede’s need to plan things out (like, measuring fabric before cutting it … how anal, right?!), Terri wonders if he’s "packing balls or a vajayjay" and notes that she doesn’t have time to breastfeed so he shouldn’t be such a baby.

Well alrighty, then!

Meanwhile, Daniel totally screws up Kelli‘s skirt, so she tells him to make a new one. Although seriously, the skirt is the least of the problems in this outfit. Korto calls out Mighty Joe Straight for not speaking up with his concerns, and ends up being perhaps the first reality show contestant in history to properly use a metaphor involving a bus. (Seriously, people get "thrown over buses" all the time in reality speak.) But will her way with words save her "big sweet potato" of an outfit?

The only ones not arguing? Jerell and Stella, probably because despite all his sass-talk Jerell seems like a team player and, like a toddler given pans to bang on, Stella’s perfectly happy hammering rivets into leathuh. Way to do damage control, Jerell!

Leathuh works well with othuhs 

 

Oh, and by the way, Kenley (whose name I can finally remember)? She’s revealing herself to be a real bitch in Bettie Page‘s clothing. She’s opinionated and bossy, fine – as long as she can back it up with some skills, I have no problem with that. But last episode she and Daniel were all chummy and BFF and this episode she snarks behind his back about his lack of taste? Watch it, mean girl.

I mean, she may be totally right, but how rude! 

Find out who made it out of the jungle in one piece, after the break!

Keith and Kenley’s winning ensemble

 

The Best: After a shot of Keith‘s many torso tattoos (WANT) we finally make it to the runway show, which is actually not half bad. Korto has wisely pulled back on the volume of the sweet potato, resulting in a pretty charming outfit. Terri and Suede’s blouse-and-trouser combo is pretty fierce too, if not a little 70′s casual. And Jerell’s and Keith’s outfits are bona fide homeruns, putting them in the top two.

Jerell and Stella’s close second

 

Jerell and Stella actually worked quite well together despite her being last-pick in the team selection, and the outfit showcases both their strengths beautifully. And Keith‘s is pretty fierce: I love the Transformers shtick when the model unhooks the shoulders of the blouse and it magically transforms from formal to a flirty open-shouldered evening outfit. I half-expected her to turn into a Ferrari and drive offstage. That doesn’t happen, but Keith does win the challenge, meaning that his outfit will be worn by Miz Shields on Ladybusiness Lipstick Jungle next season.

Blayne and Leanne’s WTF?

 

The Worst: Meanwhile, over in Notsogoodsville, Kelli and Daniel’s Stripper Elvira getup (seriously, WTF?!) and Blayne‘s Veronica Mars Casuals outfit (double WTF?!) are not winning them any fans. I actually think that Kelli’s outfit is the most hideous thing I’ve seen all season, so although Blayne’s design made absolutely no sense, it was at least inoffensive. Which is actually a first for him, so maybe that’s progress?

Somewhere in Transylvania, a stripper opens her closet and cries.

 

The Eliminated: Okay, this is where it gets really, really hot. When Kelli and Daniel (whose workout apparently did nothing to help him avoid the bottom … next time try more cardio!) are asked to defend their Vampirella monstrosity, Daniel comments that he has impeccable taste … and Kenley laughs. Seriously, on the runway, during elimination, the little snit actually laughs at him. Heidi asks what she’s laughing about and Daniel turns and says, "What’s so funny?" and she says to just ignore her.

 Kenley and Keith

 

Wow. If it had been me, I’d have ignored her right off the runway and into Nina Garcia‘s lap.

In the end it’s down to Kelli and Blayne, and as much as I was actually hoping that Copper Kid would be sent packing, it’s Kelli that ultimately gets Auf’d, which she seems none too pleased about. But that’s not important … because next week’s challenge involves DRAG QUEENS!!

Keith-O-Meter

Good dose of Keith this week. He won the challenge, he showed some skin, and he revealed that he’s a savvy competitor and a good suckup. Atta boy.

 

Planet RunGay Status Check

For the third week in a row, Planet RunGay’s Benevolently Fierce Overseer has let his eye-lasers cool. But with the number of contestants dwindling, that can’t last forever! Lordy, will we lose a gay during a drag queen challenge? How embarrassing… 

 

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