“RuPaul’s Drag Race” Premiere Recap: “The Queen Who Mopped Xmas”

Oh Lordy! Monday night’s Drag Race Season 3
premiere was expanded into a giant 2 1/2 hour block of Logo programming. At
that rate, when will the network ever have time for Buffy re-runs?

Oh well, I can forgo yet another repeat viewing of
Once More With Feeling” in order to see some talented drag queens
compete in a reality show. Especially a reality show that’s a wild and gay[er] fusion
of America’s Next Top Model, Project Runway and Sarah Palins Alaska!”

If this is your first time tuning in to RuPaul’s Drag Race,
then you’re in for a treat!

First up in Logo’s Mondays
Are a Drag
kick-off was a one-hour Drag
casting special, then we had the first regular episode of the season, and
finally there was a half-hour Untucked episode where we got to see
the contestants backstage getting Absolut-ly wasted and taking catty swipes at
one another.

But you know, I can do that at home. And often do. There’s a
LOT of material to recap from last night, so
I’m going to have to be a bit selective here and skip over some of it.

The casting special was a highlight reel of audition tapes introduced by Ru. These homemade videos were all pretty similar
– typically a drag queen from the Midwest (or
deep south) ensconced in a walk-in closet, showing off her sequined finery and
explaining how “fierce” she is.

Since 90 percent of the ladies shown did not make the cut
this year, I won’t go into any great detail on them. But I will say – no joke –
that many of these audition videos were very touching, reminding you just how
brave drag queens often must be to defy
family expectations, buck gender stereotypes and step out in public in a dress.
I would never have the courage to do something
like that.

Which is a real shame because I think I totally have the
legs for it.

So, for all those fierce drag queens who applied and didn’t
make it on the show, we salute you.

The other part of the casting special I’d like to mention
was the segment about the RuPaul’s Drag
“pit crew.”

The pit crew are those hunky Go Go dancer-type guys
hand-selected by Ru herself to dutifully squire the drag contestants at photo
shoots. And possibly help with luggage.

In previous seasons we really didn’t know much about them,
but this season it seems like they’ll be spotlighted a bit more. The casting
special contained a video montage of some of the pit crew auditions.

My favorite prospective pit crew member quotes:

“In my blood I have the mighty DNA of God. So I have
his blessing. I can do it all. [Promptly moons the camera]

“I played football for the University of South Dakota
for 5 years. I’m an actor/model – and I can’t dance worth a sh*t.” [Go USD

“I’m a musical theater actor and dancer, and I’m the
biggest pussy you will ever meet. I cry at everything. Oh and I got a nice
butt.” [He says tearfully.]

“I sew, I paint, and I do an amazing one-handed handstand
while humping the wall.”

Ding Ding Ding! If it were up to me I’d hire that one on the spot.

But shockingly, the wall humper was not cast, which means he’s still out there pounding the… err…

The two available spots on the pit crew went to these

Now, on to the first regular
episode of the season, “The Queen Who Mopped Xmas”…

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