“Shameless” Recap: “Are There Snacks?”

Oh sweet mother of mercy what a show. Sorry that this is late coming, but I was busy yesterday catching up on the earlier-than-expected third season of Game of Thrones – I’m proud to report that the 3,284 dueling clans of that dirty-haired epic have nothing on the destructive power of the Gallagher family. I’m in it for the laung haul!

Let’s begin.

Fiona (Emmy Rossum) tells Jimmy (Justin Chatwin) that he looks like a baby rabbit when he sleeps. She’s still maneuvering the whole “moving to Ann Arbor” thing, and her latest solution involves her getting a job there and moving with all the kids. Jimmy is SO into the idea.

Downstairs, Mandy (Emma Greenwell) wakes up Lip (Jeremy Allen White), who slept on the couch, to tell him she wants to get to school early so she can steal tater tots from the cafeteria for Mickey’s wedding. There are so many things wrong with that sentence that I don’t know where to start. Lip is clearly scared of her, and not just her wedding catering skills. Ian (Cameron Monaghan), meanwhile, is “staying home from school” again. Lip tells him to steer clear of Mickey’s family – and when Mandy asks Lip for help setting up the VFW for the wedding, Ian jumps at the chance. Lip says he can’t make it and Mandy is of course thrilled at the news.

Frank (William H. Macy), meanwhile, wakes up on the subway, where a homeless guy tells him, “Get off my lawn!” and says that “by the law of bodily fluids,” this is his car. The pinched noses and scowls on the other passengers confirm this, and Frank insists he’s not homeless. Later, he ambushes Carl (Ethan Cutowski) to complain about how his mom beat him and ask for Carl’s help getting into the house. Carl says he’ll sneak him into the van.

Fiona asks Mike-nee-Evan-Chambers-from-Greek (Jake McDormand) about possible positions in their Michigan office, and he tells her he’ll ask around. He then invites her – hastily adding andyourdoctorboyfriendanddozensiblings – to a weekend retreat at his parents’ summer compound.

While on a diaper run with Liam, Jimmy gets a Mom 911 call from Estefania (Stephanie Fantauzzi) – who has broken a heel and wants Jeeeemy to come feeeeeex it and also have sex with her. He tells her the line is for emergencies only. Beto hands him his mail, pointing out that he read his enrollment confirmation from the Michigan medical school. Uh-oh.

Lip asks Kev (Steve Howey) for advice about Mandy, and lets slip that Mandy pasted Karen with the car. Kev kicks into Kenobi mode, telling Lip to get the hell outta dodge – and most importantly, out of the way of Mandy’s Little Red Corvette.

Mandy, meanwhile, is at the VFW, which is festooned in the most half-assed way imaginable with a hand-made sign that says “Mickey + Svetlana 4Ever”. Aww. Ian asks her about Svetlana and she says she’s nice and quiet and skinny, which is odd because “he usually bags fat chicks.” I hope she had that written on the cake!

Fiona invites V (Shenola Hampton) and the baby to move with them to Michigan in front of an increasingly panicky Jimmy, who gets another Mom 911 call and runs off to work. Fiona asks Debs (Emma Kenney) and Carl if they want to go camping and Carl says he’ll go if he can shoot racoons. She drops the news about possibly moving to Michigan and Carl says that they can’t leave Frank behind in the cold – Fiona wisely points out, “His thick layer of bullsh*t will keep him warm.”

Fiona then intercepts a call for Jimmy from Michigan about a studio apartment he’d inquired about. Uh-oh.

Over at Chez Jackson, Jody (Zach McGowan) brings home Karen (Laura Slade Wiggins), who is… not quite all there. She notes, “This place is nice,” so clearly she’s got serious brain damage. She slurps down a whole smoothie without knowing what it is, then falls asleep. She’s effed in a major way, and the realization dawns on Lip’s face. Sheila (Joan Cusack) breaks the awkwardness by pointing out, “She seems nicer, though!” Okay, she does have a point. Jody says that he has family in Sedona who live near “healing vortexes” that maybe they can go stay with. Bless, Jody. Bless.

Fiona confronts Jimmy at the Coffee Beanery about the apartment and he throws back in her face that she never consulted him about becoming legal guardian to the kids. She says he knew what he was getting himself into, and he says he didn’t plan on ending up a houseboy in a slum. Ouch. She doesn’t like her home being called a “slum” and she tells him he can find slumplace else to live.

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