“Smash” – “Raise Your Hand If You’re A Pimp!”

Derek is compromised, Kyle inspires posthumously and Ivy works her muff

Previously, on Smash

So with golf overruns we open with the show already in progress because that’s how much respect NBC has for this show and its audience. But it’s some bit of business with that shapeless mess of a non-show Hit List so it doesn’t matter.

As the company dashes off for a costume change Daisy Parker, that dancer who accused Derek of sexual harassment and then vanished for months only to return on Bombshell‘s opening night to serve as Derek’s third-choice dick receptacle, tells Ana how wonderful her performance is and how terrified she would be if she ever had to go on in her place. Gosh, I wonder of that offhand comment has any greater significance?


Jimmy’s watching from the wings, dissatisfied with the show since it transferred to Broadway. Karen says the show is good. Jimmy agrees it’s good, but it’s not great.

At the Bombshell rehearsal space (why are they still renting that?) Tom accompanies Lindsey Mendez as she belts out the end of a song called “Mr. and Mrs. G.I. Joe”. I believe we’re meant to think this is an old song from Tom and Julia. Tom compliments her and Lindsey guesses that she’ll be the only one at “Houston and Levitt night” who doesn’t have a Tony. “Except Houston and Levitt,” Tom replies.

Eileen jumps in to insist that the night is all about celebrating Tom and Julia and has nothing to do with the Tonys. Lindsey is three feet out the door and Eileen whirls on Tom. “This is all about the Tonys.” She asks after the whereabouts of Julia and Tom tells her she’s helping out with the Hit List transfer. Eileen worries that their separation will hurt their Tony chances, what with this being their last chance and the award being “long overdue”. Tom corrects her to “injustice”. He promises that both he and Julia will be there.

Karen runs into Ivy on the street, both on their way to the only restaurant in Manhattan, Table 46. Ivy congratulates her on the transfer and they chit chat about Karen’s Broadway experience and Ivy broaches awards season. They promise that whatever happens they’ll be adults about it.

Smash - Season 2

Julia, Derek and Jimmy Charming are going over Hit List again, trying to figure out what isn’t working. Julia insists they have time since they’re still in previews but Jimmy insists the show has to be perfect! For Kyle, man! Derek suggests it’s probably just a question of adjusting to the larger space. Jimmy thinks it’s the sets. They wonder if Sam in the lead is the problem and Derek thinks maybe it’s Ana who’s the problem. Then he dares to suggest that it’s the book and Jimmy is all you just shut the hell up about the book Derek Wills because it is Kyle’s and he wrote it and it is perfect!

Before Derek can respond to this new breed of crazy with more than an eyeroll Eileen and Tom arrive. Eileen asks to borrow Julia for a minute and Tom and Derek fist bump and blow it up in the background and that is just bullshit. No way are those two bump-buddies.

The bartender places a martini in front of Eileen the second they hit the bar and Tom and Eileen explain their kooky new idea for the concert. Because Julia’s been spending all her time with the competition she will now sing. Julia’s all see, I really couldn’t sing I could never really sing what I couldn’t do was sing. Eileen’s all you owe me and Julia’s all my singing would be no favor and Eileen’s all I will crush you like this martini olive with my teeth and Julia’s all do re mi fa so la ti do. She tries to escape but Eileen glowers her to a halt and Julia’s all a kid DIED, Eileen! The dead kid card is the highest in the deck and Julia hot-steps off.

Eileen and Tom join Ivy and Santana Lopez From Fifteen Years In The Future, who informs them that in her capacity as Master of Whispers she has learned that a nomination for Best Score for Bombshell is a lock. A nomination for Tom for Best Director would be a surprise. Ivy asks about Best Actress and Santana Lopez From Fifteen Years In The Future is all, yeah, about that, it seems there’s going to be this blind item in the Village Voice (damn you, Musto!) about a certain Broadway blonde and her off-stage antics. Ivy’s gobsmacked because she’s been such a saint!

Santana Lopez From Fifteen Years In The Future: He mentions pills.

Ivy: Those were for my voice!

Santana Lopez From Fifteen Years In The Future: An incident at a previous show.

Ivy: Heaven on Earth? That was one night!

Santana Lopez From Fifteen Years In The Future: Rumors about you sleeping your way to the top.

Ivy: Absolutely not!

Santana Lopez From Fifteen Years In The Future: And a particularly nasty comment about you and a former co-star’s fiancé.

Ivy: OK yeah, that was pretty bad.

Santana Lopez From Fifteen Years In The Future orders Ivy into “image rehab”. She’s Marilyn on-stage and Norma Jean everywhere else.

Ana toasts Karen on finally boozing it up at Stage 46 as a working Broadway actress. Karen toasts in return their working together and Ana replies, “I’ll drink to that.” I brace for the Rihanna song but it never comes. Ana also checks in about Jimmy, which Karen reports isn’t happening.

As they talk Derek and Stage Manager Not-Linda collude in a corner. Derek is concerned that Ana is making too many mistakes because of her exhaustion. He tells Stage Manager Not-Linda to give Ana the night off and departs, stopping for a moment behind Daisy to report that it’s taken care of. Credits!

Pages: 1 2 3 4

Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,