Somehow, So You Think You Can Dance‘s top 20 announcement is always more stressful than American Idol‘s top 24. It’s easy to forget certain dancers, and even if you remember them, you usually can’t remember how they danced, or if they were flawless, or if they were just a drooling Alicia Silverstone clone in a man’s shirt. I can never remember. Fortunately, our Top 20 is here, and I’m going to make the pain of remembering all of those names/abs easier by picking five elite dancers. Bring on the talent!
(But first, a quick note: How do we feel about SYTYCD picking both a male and female winner this year? Good? Crappy? I choose the latter. I just hate settling for a “tied” score. The 1968 Academy Awards’ Best Actress category is my living nightmare, much like the above picture of Mia Michaels. She looks like a Hirschfeld rendering of Diane Keaton — who, coincidentally, should’ve tied with Jane Fonda for the 1977 Best Actress Oscar.)
1. SAUCE LAKE CITY native Witney Carson
The babyfaced blonde, whose ballroom skills and sexual verve are downright eye-popping, may be from the land of tabernacles and Osmonds, but she is spicy. As in, I’d expect her statuesque strut to come from a dancer twice her height. She’s essentially 5’5″ but works her gams like Juliet Prowse on stilts. In her saucy routine last night with fellow Utahan Lindsay Arnold (who is quite the minx-y little Maureen McCormick update) and weepy Nick Bloxsom-Carter, she sashayed like a self-assured Latina Valkyrie. Quoth the grinning warlord Nigel Lythgoe, “I’d pick up the phone for her!”
2. NINJA BASEBALLER Cole Horibe
Biases out of the way first: I think Cole is smoking hot, and I believe that after the glitter of the competition fades (as well as his heterosexuality), we’ll date. Actually, is he straight? I wish So You Think You Can Dance would let its gays be gay already. If even the members of One Direction can peck each other on the cheek, you’d think Fox would let its BIG CHOREOGRAPHED DANCE JUBILEE be a little openly gay sometimes. Anyway: Cole’s ninja stylings are sleek and ferocious, and his arm thrusts feel like sexual stabbing. In this baseball-themed medley he performed alongside stepper Brandon Mitchell and “animator” Cyrus Spencer last night, Cole socked us with a million-watt smile, fine form, and the lines and bravado of a classic matador. I want.