Kearny, Missouri. We open with a wife coming home from somewhere, while the husband is working under a car. The man greets her, but she is pissed about a Sara Alcott. She kicks the jack away and peels off with the husband still under the car.
And we are introduced to the second most canon ship in the fandom (thanks Angel) – Blood and the Wall.
Meanwhile, Sam and Dean are still dancing on the ridge of “The Fallout that Never Came”, i.e. Dean hasn’t said a word since Sam “discovered” Benny and “he ain’t talking about it.”
That is… until Dean finds about the “our kinda thing” murder on the police scanner and Sam wants to know why the heck should he care about Dean when Dean keeps secrets from him. So Dean gives him a short lesson in Benny. “He’s the reason I’m topside. He’s my friend… people change. We let that werewolf Kate go, didn’t we?”
Of course Sam is skeptical. “She was different. You think Benny’s different? What about my friend Amy? You had no problem ganking her!”
Dean throws him one right back. “I got a Vamp buddy and you turned your phone off for a year.”
“Hey! Don’t turn that on me,” Sam protests.
I’m not sure if I should do a word by word of the argument, but c’mon… “The Winchesters and their Seven Year Itch” makes such great paparazzi fodder.
Finally Dean accepts that if “Benny slips up and some other hunter flips his lights out, so be it…”
“But it’s not gonna be you, right?” Sam completes the thought, throwing a bitchface to go along with it (the Wincest train ride has begun folks!) and gets in the car.
Crime Scene. Agents Dean and Lady Longlocks (though I think he must have cut them at some point) argue, with Sam wondering how some lady who might’ve killed her husband in a temporary bout of insanity is “our kind of thing.” Dean tells him to stop “sulking around like a eunuch in a whorehouse”.
Does it make me a bad person if I actually laughed at that?
The FBI Agents show up at the crime scene “because they happened to be in the neighborhood” and it must’ve been one hell of crime scene, because a Texas Ranger (who also probably happened to be in the neighborhood) is also there.
The Ranger, of course, is none other than Garth, complete with a Chuck Norris leather jacket and a cowboy hat and his trademark awkward hugs, who’s now masquerading as ‘The New Bobby’ because “with the Winchesters MIA and Bobby dead, somebody had to step in and take up the slack”.
Dean takes in the news as well as you can hope – he doesn’t kill Garth on the spot – and Sam well… I think cried for the Creepy Vet or something (but that’s not important. Yet.)
Back to the case, the couple’s son, Scott, who was thoroughly interviewed by Garth and further by the Winchesters, says that his parents had no real problems, they were (more or less) happily married for a better part of 30 years, and leaves.
The Hunters survey the crime scene, “no EMF, no sulphur, nothing important…” until Garth stops and points out flaws in Sam’s “method” – EMF readings might’ve gone cold during the night and Sulphur evidence could’ve been destroyed by the CSI team who surveyed the scene earlier.
And Dean has that “haha, you got schoo…ooled” expression on his face that every 2nd grader has when the teacher points out the obvious flaws in the token nerd’s answer.
Finally, Garth is the one who discovers the damning evidence – green goo ectoplasm – when he actually steps in it and licks it from under his boot to determine its identity – yes, that actually happened. So it could be a ghost.
Then Garth, who’s a way better (and faster) hunter than our boys here, gets a call from the coroner that the victim had a name, Alcott, scratched into his chest – possibly made by his wife’s fingernails.
Interview with the wife reveals that she doesn’t remember anything except the feeling of blind hot rage before she killed her husband. As for Sara Alcott, she was just some girl who the husband took to the Senior Prom, after he got into a fight with his more or less steady girlfriend, the wife, more than 30 years ago. The couple got back together after the prom and have been together ever since.
The hunters decide to stop for a bite and swap stories.
Garth impresses them with his knowledge of history – when he explains that this particular part of Missouri was a border town in the Civil War with half the people fighting for the Union Army and the other half for Confederate.
Also, Garth went to college, is a dentist and in his first case he ganked the Tooth Fairy. Sam is mortified.
And I seriously fear for the fates of Santa and the Easter Bunny.
Meanwhile, Scott – who’s an asthmatic (Seriously!? Asthmatic Scott? They’re never gonna let go, are they?) – goes to a grocery store and runs into a Jeff, who he seriously wanted to avoid. He retrieves some money from what looks like a lady’s purse and enters the store with what looks like greenish goo coming out of his ears.
He walks directly to Jeff, throws scalding hot coffee in his face – coz that’s exactly what cheap supermarket vending machine coffee is for – and decapitates him with a garden shovel.
He also pointedly stares into the security cam, and the image shows a corpse-y Confederate soldier.