“The Following” 1.02 Recap: “You’re Not Gay Anymore”

“I’ve been planning this for a long time.”

Thus begins the creeptacular second episode of The Following, Kevin Williamson‘s action-packed, blood soaked cautionary meditation on the Internet, romantic literature, and the dangers of buying meat from street carts.

Jordy the crooked prison guard has no trouble convincing a sorority girl to let him into her house in the middle of the night, and before you can say “Lost in Your Eyes”, she (along with several of her sleeping pals) has lost hers. I hope none of them was Sober Sister! Just another night at Bad Judgment University…

Meanwhile, Ryan Hardy (Kevin Bacon) and the Assorted Hunky Feds learn that Claire’s apple-cheeked nanny Denise (Valorie Curry) is actually named Emma. GASP! What’s more, they have prison security footage of Emma and the gay neighbors Will and Billy (possibly the worst-named gay couple in television history, but more on that in a sec), who are really named Paul (Adan Canto) and Jacob (Nico Tortorella).

Claire (Natalie Zea) asks if she could really be so stupid as to let one of her serial-killing ex-husband’s henchwaifs into her home and her life. Well, look on e bright side: if you weren’t, we wouldn’t have a television show.

Emma, Paul and Jacob, meanwhile, have ensconced themselves in a gorgeous countryside mansion with Claire’s unsuspecting kid. Turns out Will and Billy were not, in fact, a gay couple – but Paul is acting the cuckold anyway now that psychotic lovebirds Emma and Jacob are back together again. DEVELOPING.

We see in flashbacks how they met: Emma – with long hair, so this was before she was evil – met Joe Carroll (James 100%PureFoy) at a book signing back when she was just a shy flower whose slutty mom embarrassed her in public. Later, she cuts her hair (EVIL) and visits Joe in prison, where he tells her that he has someone he thinks she should meet. She goes on a blind date with Jacob, and before you can say Natural Born Killers, she’s stabbing her mom over dinner and drinks.

Ain’t love grand?

Hey, isn’t that the bathroom at Fangtasia?

Back in Slightly Less Crazytown, Ryan and the Assorted Hunky Feds track down Emma’s mom’s address, and Ryan and Mike Weston (Shawn Ashmore) go to pay her a visit. Ryan breaks into the seemingly empty house (he lives OUTSIDE the law now, see?) and finds that it’s clearly been used by some kind of Poe and Joe Carroll cult – the walls are covered with drawings and writing, and one room boasts a shelf of Poe masks. Oh – and one of them has a person attached to it! Yes, in a splendidly jarring scare, an as-yet-unidentified Follower in a rubber mask pulls a gun on Ryan and tells him that he shouldn’t be there and that he’s going to die, but just not now.

He bolts. I change my pantaloons.

Pages: 1 2 3

Tags: , , , , ,