The Gay Oracle Speaks! What Does The Future Hold For Your Favorite Gay TV Characters?

The Gayoracle™ has awakened from his long slumber, and is ready to once again use his mystical powers to bring you the dish on your TV faves.

You’re probably wondering “Oh great Gayoracle™, why are you revealing your visions now, and how do they manifest themselves?” The Gayoracle™ normally keeps his crystal visions to himself, but since so many TBL readers have asked for his help, he will do his best to respond.

With renewed strength, the visions in the orb are starting to become clearer. While the power is at its peak, The Gayoracle™ will read and answer your queries about what the future holds for your favorite gay TV characters.

Behold! A vision is emerging! It’s Will and Sonny from Days Of Our Lives!

Dear Gayoracle™: Please tell me Will and Sonny and Arianna will have a smooth ride from here. I keep wondering if my ex and I had decided to have a kid … maybe we’d still be together – Noah Mayer, FratPad, California

Dear Gayoracle™: We could have told them that babies just complicate things. And baby mamas especially complicate things. Are there any frozen lakes in Salem? Just sayin. Kyle and Oliver, Llanview

The Gayoracle™ responds:

Sorry guys, the vision is clear. Will and Sonny will have more drama than they can handle in the coming months. Sonny’s mother Adrienne will continue her campaign to break them up, and decides to bring in a secret weapon … Sonny’s ex Teddy! Things take a turn for the supernatural during November Sweeps when Sonny deals with a bout of 24 hr. vampirism, and then what we feared would happen comes to fruition. Will’s latent possession DNA (handed down to him by grandma Marlena) is unlocked in baby Arianna, and she’s taken over … by the spirit of Dr. Reid Oliver! Arianna will spend weeks rolling her eyes and sarcastically referring to her parents as “pinheads” and “dolts,” before being exorcised by a shirtless Father Eric. Finally … the year will close with the emergence of a new “Salem Strangler,” who will dispatch Jennifer and Daniel in vivid and gruesome high definition detail, before setting his sights on non-annoying Salem residents. The town will be rocked to the core when it’s revealed that the killer is Lucas, but will it be too late to save his next intended victim … Will!

Let’s move on. Fill my eyes with that blurry vision! It’s Kurt from Glee!

Dear Gayoracle™: What the hell do I have to do? Dump a gallon of Dippity Do on my head? Cheat on him and then sing a sad tearful apology? I’ve got skintight jeans too! Homeless-Neil-Patrick-Harris-Looking English Guy, NYADA

The Gayoracle™ responds:

Unfortunately, your time with Kurt is drawing to a close, as he takes a huge leap in his career, joining the first roadshow of Tony winner Kinky Boots. He’ll take on the Stark Sands role opposite Billy Porter replacement Coco Montrese. A shock awaits him when the tour ends, however, as he returns home to find he’s living with a new roommate … Max Blum! Max has come to the big apple seeking a new life after having a fallout with his Chicago friends (he jokingly framed them for murder, sending them all to Death Row), and he and Kurt will spend the second half of the season coping with their Odd Couple differences.

Getting … harder… to muster the power, but here’s another vision. Steve Jinks from Warehouse 13!

Dear Gayoracle™: I know you don’t usually dole out dating advice, but I’m at my wit’s end. Why can’t I find a decent guy? Someone who can appreciate an honest fellow like myself? My sister keeps wanting to introduce me to someone, but I don’t know if I want to my put heart out there. – Joshua Donovan, San Francisco

The Gayoracle™ responds:

Good news! I have a clear, distinct vision of your future. After Warehouse 13 is shut down permanently due to bed bugs, you, your sister Claudia, and her gay BFF Steve will decide to pool your resources and open up a quaint antique shop … filled with cursed antiques! Talk about “Out of the frying pan!” The three of you will track down the deadly items, while your relationship with Steve goes from friendly flirting to “will they or won’t they?” (here’s a hint – you will). Expect visits from old friends Artie, Myka, and Pete (who will embark on a new career as a Vegas Chippendales dancer).

That’s it … can only manage one more vision. With all my power BEHOLD! …

Dear Gayoracle™: ENOUGH BLAINE! – TheBacklot Readers

Dear Gayoracle™: MORE BLAINE! – TheBacklot Readers

The Gayoracle™ responds:

Aah … yes. The ubiquitous sight of Fruity Fonzie on TheBacklot has engendered passionate responses, pro and … mostly con. But there’s a method to the madness, and the brave soul who has faced derision for overexposing the Warbler has sacrificed his sanity in order to provide this crucial service … to help prepare all of you for what’s to come. Soon his presence will be unavoidable, soon all will be witness to the shock and horror of … Blainenado

Well, that’s all The Gayoracle™ can muster for now. You may now stand in awe!

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