The Morning Meme: Bart’s Unauthorized Biography Tells of Cooties, “Planet of the Apes” Is Real, Whose Idea Was This?

Info Meme

Simon Cowell has begun recording artists for a Haiti charity
single. From the sound of it, he’s got every singer whose spirit he
hasn’t personally ground into the dirt participating, including Westlife (out Mark Feehily on teaser), Susan Boyle, Rod Stewart, Leona Lewis,
Miley Cyrus, Mariah Carey, Jon Bon Jovi,
JLS Cheryl Cole, Take That, Michael Buble, Alexandra Burke, Mika, James Blunt, and James Morrison, to name a few. Either it’s going to be the longest
song in history, or they have to sing as a chorus.

It’s well established that I hate the fact that Hollywood
can’t take a chance on an original idea, and instead chooses to remake my
youth. This, I have to
admit, I don’t mind
: Gremlins 3-D.
They still have to be primarily puppets and not CGI to make me happy, but I can
get behind another Gremlins movie.

I’m not sure how this book’s title holds true, considering
it claims interviews with Matt Groening,
but The Simpsons: An Uncensored,
Unauthorized Biography
promises a complete history of our favorite yellow family,
from the Tracy Ullman Show on.
Frankly, they had me hooked with the chalkboard on the cover.

The 30 Rock
Valentine’s Day episode will be reuniting Liz
Lemon
with several of the exes from her past. One of those
exes would be played by Jon Bon Jovi.
No idea what this means for her fledgling sexual harassment relationship with Cheyenne Jackson’s character.

I’m not a religious person, so this strikes me as funny as
magic Mormon underwear. 117 people in Russia have been hospitalized for drinking holy water that
made them sick. I’m not entirely familiar with the concept of holy water, I
thought it was for sprinkling on babies foreheads. But according to the
article, it would actually take a blessing from a higher power to make tap
water in Russia safe to drink.

In news that should surprise no one, CBS ordered two more seasons of Survivor and one more season of The
Amazing Race
. That means that CBS gets to count a gay for at least one more
year.

Orangutans have been observed mediating disputes between other
orangutans. While that was really fun to type, I worry this is going to lead to
orangutan lawyers, orangutan politicians, runaway orangutan litigation, and
soon orangutans will have coke and hooker habits.

Manolith has an extremely non-PC list of the Top 21 Phrases I Wish Superheroes Would Still Use. I
can’t tell whether it’s tongue-in-cheek, or if The Golden Age of Comics were
really this sexist/racist. I was expecting “Pow!” and “Shazam!”

Amyoops has Anti-Valentine’s
Day cards
for those of us that are still bitter and single. My favorite
is the panties in the laundromat.

Io9 has a first look at the new alien invasion series from Steven Spielberg that TNT just
ordered.  I’ll be honest, it sounds a lot
Jeremiah, with Luke Perry, except with aliens instead of a virus. And Noah Wiley instead of Luke Perry.

This is what happens when you cross a political ad with a
beer commercial. It’s not racier than a really good beer commercial, but
it could be taken wrong, so look around you before you press play. And be sure
nobody will mind you giggling. 

Orlando Bloom is
premiering his new film, Sympathy for
Delicious
at Sundance, and though he sings in the rock band, he has no desire to cut an album, making him somewhat
unique in a Hollywood star. I have a great desire to see him strutting around
ripped and shirtless with those fake tattoos.

Ticketmaster and Live Nation have gotten government approval to merge, meaning you’ll
now need a home equity loan to see Britney in concert, and frankly, if you want
to see Barbra, you need to provide the last 3 years of tax returns before they’ll
give you seat choices, because this is going to get expensive.

Photo Meme

Starting today with pictures from Saturday night’s SAG Awards, as tweeted by Eric Stonestreet of Modern Family. He is the straight one, right?

Great view there.

This ad is for a moutain resort – the concept is the bubbles in the bubblewrap are filled with clean mountain air, and they install the ad in bus stops in dense, polluted cities, and you can pop the bubble for fresh air. Because we know "fresh air" can overcome the smell of Homeless Harry asleep in the bus stop. Possibly related: Yesterday was the 50th anniversary of the invention of bubble wrap.

Assuming the Bubblewrap isn’t taken for a bed for the homeless.

What Hollywood genius thought was a good idea to name the sequel to Nanny McPhee something that sounds like an adult film parody of a Nanny McPhee movie? For that matter, what genius thought it was a good idea to make another Nanny McPhee movie?

Yes, I checked IMDB, this is real.

This is from a photoshoot that has two Glee castmembers dressed, well, like this? I’m sure you can tell who, but can anyone tell me why?!?!

Spirit animal, maybe?

Cosmo, go f*** yourself.

In 2010, seriously?

I don’t know where this was taken, but I do think Adam Lambert should wear light colors more often. It really works for him.

Adam Lambert and Markus Molinari

This chart is pretty good in some cases, though I object to all mustaches getting compared to walruses, and everyone on this site knows that Janice the Muppet‘s celebrity twin is Roxy on One Life to Live.

The walrus is cuter than Dr. Phil.

Last week, a host of New York City’s most talented and handsome people attended the Fourth Annual Women’s Awards at the Stonewall Inn. Broadway World has the complete photoset including Alan Cumming, Nick Adams, and Brian Charles Rooney.

Nick Adams, Marti Gould Cummings, Brian Charles Rooney. Photo
Credit: Bob
Johnson

 

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