For anyone who has not yet seen the latest episode of The New Normal, it is my obligation to inform you that this recap contains character death. So get your tissues ready.
We start off with the sweet story of Harvey Milkbone. This is good, since I’ve been wondering what happened to the puppy in the pilot. Since then, I’ve only ever seen the adult dog, so I was wondering if the puppy was a foster.
But no, Harvey has been their little puppy all along, we just never got to see him. Now he’s here in all of his adorable fluffiness to be the allegory for their upcoming baby. Personally, I’d take the dog, but then I’m not parent material.
Goldie has to see Shania’s Assistant Principal Mr. Rodriguez. Because this is a Ryan Murphy show, he’s a drop-dead sexy Assistant Principal played by Peter Porte. Goldie’s hormones are running high and so she has a little fantasy about, well…
So, is there any doubt still that this is a gay show?
Shania is disrupting class with her Dame Maggie Smith impression. If you’re asking why she is pretending to be Maggie Smith, then you haven’t been watching this show. This is what Shania does. She’s our adorably weird child who likes to do impersonations.
Something is wrong with Harvey Milkbone! I do NOT approve. David thinks it’s nothing, but Bryan is desperate to call Canine 911. He’s even willing to endure The Hobbit, so you know he’s serious.
Hey, Clay’s back! In clothes, regrettably. He has no truck with this impersonation nonsense—at least not of Brits. I’m astonished he can even identify a British accent. He suggests she try a Taylor Swift impression instead.
Which gives us this little gem, “Oh no, I’ve been dumped again. I’ll write a song about it, ignoring the fact that I’m the common denominator in all my failed relationships.”
It turns out Harvey either has gas or a major blockage of his stomach. David is quick to sign off on surgery, but Bryan thinks they should hold off. I don’t know why the two have suddenly switched perspectives in this episode and I don’t really care. I just want to dog to be okay.
Clay has stayed for dinner and tucked Shania in and is pretending to be a decent guy and I totally buy it because he’s hot. And because I can clearly see this is going to lead to sexy times.
Let us pause for a moment and ask, “where did Clint go?” Seriously, Goldie dated him and apparently broke up with him entirely off screen. I cry foul.
But yes, we get shirtless Clay, which is always a good thing. Unfortunately we have to endure Clay telling Goldie, “tell that baby to scooch over, I’m coming in.”
Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew….
So we get the news that Harvey is fine just as Goldie is rushed to the hospital with baby problems. Man, this episode is heavy. Filled with great one-liners, but it’s not a whole lot of fun.
Clay, trying to be a good guy (though handicapped by his immense stupidity) takes the blame for breaking David and Bryan’s baby and offers to make them a new one. This is both adorable and very very cringeworthy.
But of course, the baby is fine. Harvey Milkbone, however, is not. He was hit by a car.
Godammit, Ryan Murphy!
So, while we clutch our tissues and mourn the passing of Harvey, we get two painful scenes of first David and then Bryan facing the horrifying idea of what happens if they lose their child—the non-furred one. And it’s bittersweet and so real and GODAMMIT RYAN MURPHY!
Okay, I’m too broken up to go on. We’re gonna try something new this week. You fine readers get to pick the awards for this episode. Just nominate in the comments for Best Line, Best Performance and Gayest Moment. I’ll announce the winners next week.