The Oracle Speaks! What Does the Future Hold for Your Favorite TV Characters in 2012?

The Gayoracle™ has awakened from his year-long slumber, and is ready to use his mystical powers to bring you the dish on your favorite gay TV characters.

You’re probably wondering “Oh great Gayoracle™, why are you revealing your visions now, and how do they manifest themselves?” The Gayoracle™ does not know why he was blessed with this power, but since so many readers have asked for his help, he feels he must respond, even though usually when he sees his crystal visions … he keeps his visions to himself.

Having gorged on his post-sleep meal of stale fruitcake and curdled egg nog, his strength is renewed, and the visions in the orb are starting to become clearer. While the power is at its peak, The Gayoracle™ will read and answer your queries about what the future holds for your favorite gay TV characters.

Behold! A vision is emerging!

Dear Gayoracle™: Kurt sucks! I am so sick of this gay-faced little twerp and his Colorform couture, and he doesn’t deserve a God like Blaine. Please tell me something grotesque and medieval will happen to him this year! – Sebastian Smythe, Lima, Ohio

The Gayoracle™ responds:

Sorry Sebastian, the vision is clear. After graduation, he’ll hit the Great White Way, and days after arriving will be offered the lead role in Giddy Up!, the new family-friendly musical version of Equus, starring Kurt and Shrek‘s Donkey. The show will be a huge hit, and Kurt will win the Tony award, which he will refuse in order to draw attention to the plight of the endangered South American Gay Alpaca, whose wool is used to design hideous ponchos.

Let’s move on. The orb is swirling again … Behold! A vision is emerging!

Dear Gayoracle™: I heard awful rumors that Cam and Mitch were going to try to adopt again. Please tell me this isn’t happening! Sure, they’ll fawn over the kid … until they decide that just being adorable isn’t enough, and replace her with a kid with a stupid gimmick … like talking. Let me tell you, you can deliver a bigger laugh with a deadpan look than with a one-liner! – Original Lily, California

The Gayoracle™ responds:

Hate to tell you this, but the vision is clear. Cam and Mitch will go ahead with their adoption, and they’ll bring home an adorable new son! Wacky hijinks will ensue as the little tyke tries to assimilate into his new extended family. Watch out, Phil!

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