The “Spartacus” Death Pool. Place Your Bets

Fans of previous seasons of Spartacus could always rely on the Starz show for a weekly evisceration or two, and no character seemed exempt from the possible chopping block (literally!) But, honestly, we always knew, episode to episode, that Spartacus would hang on, and a fair number of the good guys, at least, would hang on with him. Yes, last season we lost the lovely Mira (Katrina Law) and Oenomaus (Peter Mensah), but along the way we’ve picked up a few Germaniacs, a Gaul or two, a Syrian stud, a Greek priestess, a Numidian pirate, and a partridgius in a pear tree to more than make up for it. (I never realized it, but it seems like Spartacus’ army is sponsored by the united colors of Benetton.) Sure, Spartacus: Vengeance eliminated most of the villains, but we knew a good percentage of the heroes would usually stick around.

But now we’re almost at the end of the show, and even a poor student of history knows how this tale turns out. Forget wondering who will die. Will anyone even make it beyond the last episode at all? Or will Spartacus: War of the Damned just leave us with (another) giant pile of absurdly-muscular dead bodies?

Well, I’m no Vegas odds maker, but let’s pause for a moment of reflection before the next episode airs and lay down some solid percentages on who will live, who will die, and who might show up in the spin-off. And I promise not to have watched at advance screeners or peeked at online spoilers or in fact done any interent research at all. This is just based on my own instincts and waaaay too much time parked in front of the TV.

Spartacus

“I probably shouldn’t be smiling”

Let’s face facts, gladiator fans: Spread the strawberry jelly on him, Spartacus is toast. Especially now that Crassus has seen his face, there is no way Spartacus can live. Honestly, though, he wouldn’t want to live after his army was defeated. Spartacus has emerged as the ultimate leader, shepherding his people not just through war, but through the joys and difficulties of life itself. He’s not going to abandon ship at the end. Like a good captain, he’ll go down with the ship. And it’ll take two dozen men to drop him, too. He may end up crucified on the Appian Way, but his legend will live on.

Chance of Death: 100%

Crixus

“All business in the front, party in the back”

I do think one of the Big Four will survive the finale, but it’s not the Gallic gladiator with the gravelly voice and a serious case of honkytonk hair. Crixus is too angry, too volatile, too emotional to realize when the fight is over. There will be no moral victory for him, no telling people about the legend of the rebellion. He’ll die, big and large and heroically. He wouldn’t have it any other way.

Chance of Death: 98%

Naevia

You’ve come a long way, baby.

If Crixus dies, so dies Naevia. The two have become one, and while Naevia’s transformation has been amazing to see, she has trod too far on the same warrior path as Crixus to accept anything but victory or death. Her death may spur him to some amazing heroic feat; or, perhaps, his death will spur her to the same type of action. But I think it is safe to say that Naevia and her functional (if outdated) dreads are not long for this world.

Chance of Death: 95%

 

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