The Top Five Moments From Last Night’s “Revenge”

PREVIOUSLY, ON Reven8e.

This week, Emily loses her religion, Nolan gets laid, and Patrick meets the family.

Here are five highlights:

WHAM BAM, THANK YOU MAN

Nolan is making the most of his post-prison life, and we join in as he has a tender moment with a hot piece (and I tried, but I couldn’t find any info about who played this part):

NOLAN: “Tell my driver where, and he’ll be happy to provide you with your drive of shame … or fame.”
HOT PIECE: ” ….”
NOLAN: “Bye …”
HOT PIECE: ” …”
NOLAN: “… You.”

A bemused Emily interrupts the heartbreaking goodbye, and we have this classic Nolan/Ems convo:

EMILY: “Not even learning names now?”
NOLAN: “Less mess. Especially after my P.T.S.D. Padma, Tyler, Sexual Damage.”
EMILY: “Just be careful who you let come and go.”

Oh, Emily, don’t be crude.

Actually, she’s there for the next step in her plan, and it involves taking down Paul Whitley, who was “in charge of enticing investors to Grayson Global.” David Clarke saw Paul holding “closed door meetings with everyone who eventually betrayed him.” He’s had a slight change of career, though. He’s now a priest.

THE GADFLY GOURMET

What in the f*ckety-f*ck is going on? Nolan … baking … blueberry muffins? Admittedly, he looks fabulous doing it, but it’s still sort of … wrong. He tells a bewildered Ems that his muffins were a huge hit in prison, and they “can calm even the most sociopathic heart.” He also tells her that after researching Father Paul, he’s discovered that the Padre has completely turned his life around, and is actually trying to atone for his sins. Emily doesn’t want to hear it.

THE MOST TERRIFYING THING YOU’LL SEE THIS WEEK

In the best scene of the episode, Victoria pays a visit to Nolan, with a gift of his own muffins (but now with a drop of evil added for extra flavor). She tries mightily to appear welcoming, but the mask thuds to the floor in quick order and she wants to know how he was able to afford a place like this so soon after prison. “I know how long it takes to thaw frozen assets. In fact I’m certain that someone with your technological prowess could have no trouble accessing bank accounts, whether they belong to you or not.” Nolan feigns innocence, but Victoria makes it clear that she’ll be keeping an eye on him.

BROTHER FROM ANOTHER PLANET

And here we have our first Awkward Grayson Dinner of the season, and it’s a doozy. Victoria decides to introduce the family to Patrick, who has to endure snide and rude remarks from both Daniel and especially Conrad, who asks what his job is, and when Victoria responds “He’s a freelance artist,” Conrad spits out:

“Oh, freelancing’s not a profession, dear. It’s a hobby one has between bartending shifts.”

Go to hell, you bastard!

Anyway, Conrad is too busy dumping all over Patrick to notice that Emily has roofied his drink with more “Deadly Disease Sympton Drops.” Before long, Conrad is waving his glass around and shattering it to pieces, cutting his hand in the process. Naturally, Charlotte blames Victoria.

RED SHARPIE’S REGRET

For the first time, Emily is starting to feel guilty about retribution. Father Paul (James Legros, who will always be Metron from Solarbabies to me), really has given his life over to helping people (we know that because happy poor kids gripping teddy bears rush up to hug him), and as Emily sees what a difference he’s making, she realizes that sometimes revenge is a dish best left uneaten.

Unfortunately, it’s too late for Father Paul. Emily had lured him out of the church and knocked him cold, and taken a compromising picture of his unconscious body with a hooker, and she puts the incriminating pic inside the collection plate. Before she can retrieve it, it’s found by the head holy guy, and Father Paul is made to transfer out of the church.

Emily has her revenge, but she’s learned a valuable lesson, and promises to help father Paul. Well, “help” as in “use” to get Conrad to confess everything to him.

What were your favorite moments? Did you like Aidan snooping around and in cahoots with Victoria? Daniel’s boring scenes with that French woman (what the hell is going on with that?) Jack telling Charlotte the truth about the explosion that killed Declan?

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