“The Vampire Diaries” – See You In Hell, Katherine

Previously, on The Vampire Diaries

Picture it. Northern Europe. 1520. Nadia conducts a house to house search for Katarina Petrova, last seen in England in 1492. This could take a while. She tells the villager that she needs to know why Katerina abandoned her.

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It’s a flashback/hallucination that Nadia’s having as a result of being bitten by Tyler last episode. She rouses to find Katherine at her side, reminding her that Nadia was taken from her at birth; she didn’t abandon her. Nadia’s like, same diff and the camera pans down to the truly nasty bite on her arm.

Katherine tells her not to worry, that she isn’t going to die. Nadia wonders if Katherine asked Klaus for his blood. That’s a negative, since one, Klaus would like nothing better than to watch Katherine watch Nadia die and two, contacting Klaus would out her as Katherine. Instead she’s called in the B team, Doctor Evil, who takes a sample of Nadia’s blood in hopes of isolating the *sigh* “werewolf venom” and formulating an antidote.

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He departs and Katherine swears to be a better mother, starting with saving Nadia’s life. Title card!

Down in the Salvatore family cell, Stefan breaks the news about Katherine’s Passenger status to a chained-up Damon, whose only comment is, “She’s brilliant.” Compared to this gang of backward children she plays tricks upon? Yup. Stefan pours a little salt in Damon’s wounds, pointing out that all the killings and whatnots he’s done have been because of his reaction to Katherine, not Elena. Damon wonders why Stefan’s even telling him all of this and Stefan’s all, it’s handled bro.

Meanwhile upstairs Caroline is filling in the rest of the group on the Katherine situation. They’re all flummoxed that Katherine’s been passing for so long and Caroline insists it’s because Katherine is an evil genius. Left unspoken is that they’re all kind of dumb. Bonnie and Jeremy are teleconferenced in and Stefan joins from downstairs. Tyler realizes that Katherine is who spilled about Caroline and Klaus and asks, “How do we kill the bitch?”

By stabbing her with the Traveler knife, which Matt still has in his night stand. Caroline points out that Katherine is too smart to fall for a sneak attack and Tyler adds that she’s unlikely to show up today anyway what with the whole he bit Nadia thing. Caroline twigs that the only way to lure Katherine out is by extending an invitation that she can’t refuse for fear of compromising her identity.

So Caroline invites her to a surprise party. For Bonnie’s birthday which isn’t until next week. Katherine begs off, claiming she’s arranging the funeral for Aaron Whitmore. Next up is Bonnie, whose attempt is even weaker, inviting “Elena” for coffee. Katherine says she’s off at the day spa buying a package for Bonnie’s birthday and hangs up, wondering aloud why everyone is suddenly so clingy.

Down in the cell Stefan bites his wrist and bleeds into a cup for Damon. Based on draining one vampire staving off the cravings for eight hours, Caroline has calculated that four ounces of vampire blood three times a day will hold Damon. I can’t even, how wrong that math is. Damon downs the blood and asks to be released so he can find Doctor Evil and get the cure. Stefan is not down with that plan since part two is probably “skip town and leave Stefan to clean up his mess” and calls Katherine to make his attempt to lure her in. Instead, Damon’s phone rings; it’s “Elena” calling for him. Damon answers and Katherine asks if they can meet to talk about what happened at the farm house. Damon invites her to the house and she accepts. They hang up and Katherine deduces from the invitation that she’s been outed. To his credit, Damon knows she knows that they know.

Picture it. France. 1720. Nadia approaches a man at a campfire, offering money for information about Katerina Petrova. Nadia rouses in the present to realize that Katherine has relocated them to a church. Nadia encourages her to run but Katherine swears never to abandon her.

Outside Damon’s cell Caroline rants about how they’ve lost their only advantage. From inside Damon calls out, “Nothing a locator spell can’t fix!” This prompts Jeremy and Bonnie to track down Liv, the witch who helped them find and save Jeremy during the Bitter Ball. Liv is clearly warm for Jeremy’s form and parlays his desire to find Katherine into some gratuitous palm caressing. Jeremy seems more than a little OK with that and Bonnie stares a few daggers at the both of them. Liv tracks Katherine to the church.

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Damon asks baby sitter Tyler for a couple of swigs of his sweet hybrid juice so he can go after Doctor Evil; request denied. Damon starts turning several of Tyler’s screws, including his dead family, his failed relationship and his general lack of a future to manipulate Tyler into getting all up in Damon’s face. Damon grabs him and sinks in his fangs.

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You best be thanking God every day you’re pretty, because honey are you dumb

He tosses Tyler away without draining him completely, snaps his chains and departs. Caroline and Stefan finds a recovering Tyler, who informs them that Damon’s off in search of Doctor Evil.

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