“True Blood”: “I’m Glad I Took My Beta Blockers.”


Okay, so is it just me or did True Blood kind of get its groove back a bit this week? Apparently all it takes is Arlene Fowler-Bellefleur busting off the lock on the liquor cabinet to bring this ship back to course. Let’s crack open a PBR and dig in!

Hep V is in the Tru Blood supply, blah blah blah. Eric (Alexander Skarsgård) sends freshly-minted progeny Willa (Amelia Rose Blaire) to warn Pam about drinking the juice and sneaks out under a truck with Nora (Lucy Griffiths). It’s a kind of fun Modern Viking Action Hero scene. Dr. Willa and her spare hand – she’s doing her best Violet Newstead from 9 to 5, if you don’t mind my saying – finds Pam (Kristen Bauer van Straten) doing a downward dog and tells her not to drink the TB. Pam actually listens, though she’s not interested in hearing that there’s another stiff in the john. [pause for laughter] Wait, can we all agree it’s a bit ricockulous that NOBODY has recognized the Governor’s daughter running through the halls just because she’s wearing a white smock?

Eric brings Nora to Billith (Stephen Moyer), because he’s magical. Nora won’t take Billith’s blood because it’s got Lilith in it, and Eric has to comply because it’s her dying wish. Even though she’s already dead. But let’s not get picky. Yet.

In her planet-devouring SUV, Sarah Newlin (Anna Camp) listens to Gospel Elocution Lessons on Tape on the way to the Guvna’s. She arrives to find his head sitting in the garden like a pasty gazing ball. She almost cries – but she can’t spare the moisture! – and kisses his dead face while promising to carry on his legacy. She closes with, “This was part of Gawd’s plan and GAWWWWWWWWD EEEESSSS GOOOUUUUUUUDD.”

Even the decapitated head gives her a BTCHPLZ side-eye, but I think she’s ready to move onto the next tape, don’t you? Great job!

Moments later, Sarah is convincing some white dude in a suit (what, Olivia Pope wasn’t available?) to make it look like the Guvna is still alive – just until the Hep V-laced Tru Blood is on shelves. So yeah – HUGE conspiracy amounting to treason against the state and nation. No bigs.

Barlow (Rob Kazinsky) and Sookie (Anna Paquin) wake up in the graveyard with the chandeliers and he’s immediately regretting his decision to be raped: he thinks it was more than just sex, but she schools him that she can vote AND mount guys who are tied to gravestones. But their stone pillow talk is interrupted when she suddenly hears Arlene (Carrie Preston) KEENING in the actual graveyard, and she rushes off – with Barlow’s guidance (which she shouldn’t need, since she brought him there, didn’t she?) – to comfort her.

Let me take a moment here to point out that the LAST TIME that Sookie whisked off via the Hot Tub Time Machine to the Chandelier Cemetery, an hour to her was like six months of Earth time. This time it’s even-Stevens. JUST SO WE’RE ALL ON THE SAME PAGE.

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