“Warehouse 13″ Episode 402 Recap: Gay of The Dead

PREVIOUSLY, ON WAREHOUSE 13.

After last week’s single story, we’re back to ‘A” and “B” storylines, with Pete and Myka taking the latter as they investigate cuddly baby Cthulhus, but the main thrust is about Claudia, so we’ll take a look at her reanimation attempt first. Reanimation … Cthulthu … the entire episode is a loving tribute to horror icon H.P. Lovecraft .. or maybe I’m reading too much into it.

“The universe hasn’t been this unsettled since I banged Tasha Yar”

We start with Brother Adrian (Brent Spiner) paying a visit to a visibly shaken Artie, who is the only one who has any memory of last week’s “around the world in a day” adventure. Adrian tells Artie that a very dangerous artifact has been stolen from the Vatican and it must be retrieved before unspeakable evil is unleashed.

It takes every ounce of strength for Artie not to shout out “ASTROLABE!,” but he manages to maintain composure, even when Adrian tells him that the person who used the astrolabe must undo what he has done, and set time back to normal, which is the only way the evil will be eradicated.

This isn’t helping Artie’s peptic ulcer.

Meanwhile, Claudia is in full kick-ass Claudia mode.

Claudia has come up with a plan to make her way into the Regent Headquarters, and it involves strapping on Come-F*ck-With-Me-I-Dare-You Heels, and dressing up like Red Sonja escaping from the Lair Of The White Worm. She looks hot and fierce, and cons her way past one guard while tesla zapping another … before she’s stopped by Artie, who tells her that the jig is up, but her previous scene has now made her a shoo-in for next year’s AfterEllen Hot 100.

Claudia argues with Artie about using the metronome to bring Steve back, but she insists she’s not doing it out of selfishness, and that Steve deserves it, and “If you could use an artifact to set something right, to undo a huge stupid tragedy … wouldn’t you do it?” It takes every ounce of strength for Artie not to shout out “ASTROLABE!,” but he manages to maintain composure, and he tells her that he’s not going to let her be seduced by an artifact, because it’s just a road to destruction … and where the hell is the goddam Pepto-Bismol?

Fortunately for Artie, Jane walks through the door and announces that the Regents have made a decision. Phew, reason is restored. Yep, the Regents have decided that … Claudia can bring Steve back. Wait .. what?

Artie walks away in disgust, but Claudia thanks Jane, and says “I know I’m putting my career on the line.” Jane corrects her with, “No, you’re putting your life on the line. Are you absolutely sure?” Claudia has no doubts, and Jane makes the arrangements. Woo-hoo, lets resurrect a gaygent!

“I know I’m taking a gamble trusting you, but you remind me of another nubile young woman with slicked-back hair. You don’t own a … silver catsuit by any chance, do you?”

Corpse Steve is creepily laid out on Claudia’s bed, his skin the same color as the Meatloaf Surprise in the AfterElton commissary. Claudia want to go it alone, but Jane insists that she’s going to need her help to walk through the process. She instructs Claudia to put one hand on Steve’s heart, and the other hand on the metronome, and concentrate on picturing his face and eyes … but before they were all rolled back and everything.

Fifty Shades Of Gay

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