Just about everything is canceled in New York today thanks to the 75-85 m.p.h. prowess of Hurricane Sandy, and we’re already seeing the effects of the storm system’s devastation on Twitter: @SalmanRushdie tweeted “Who’d have thought the End of the World would be called Sandy? If this was a movie, would it be played by Olivia Newton-John?” Said musicians Alex and Nat Wolff (@natandalex): “Guys, why is the squirrel from sponge bob having a hurricane tomorrow? Sincerely, someone who still watches spongebob ***Alex***”
This proves only one thing: We need to pick the right pop culture Sandy to officially represent this hurricane once and for all. Here are the best five candidates for the job, ranked fifth to first. And they are:
5. Sandra “Sandy” Bullock
The Oscar-winning Blind Side thespian just sneaked past Little Orphan Annie‘s dog to land the fifth spot on this list, but I think you’ll find my arguments for Ms. Bullock’s inclusion solid enough. Consider the following Hurricane Sandy slogans that would look amazing next to Bullock’s photo on a billboard.
- “Hurricane Sandy is deadly, but hope floats.”
- “The biggest nautical fiasco since Speed 2: Cruise Control.”
- “Miss Congeniality 3: More Armed, Less Fabulous“
4. Sandy Denny
Pop culture figures rarely come as tragic as the British folkie Sandy Denny, a remarkable (and celebrated) artist whose work with Fairport Convention is ultimately less known than her appearance on Led Zeppelin‘s “The Battle of Evermore.” A wild cocaine and alcohol addiction killed the talent at age 31, but if anyone exemplified the rock ‘n’ roll insanity that seems fitting for a coast-battering hurricane, it was Ms. Denny.
3. Sandy Olsson from Grease (Olivia Newton-John)
Honestly, it’s kind of sad that Olivia Newton-John‘s poodle-skirted character from Grease is the preeminent pop culture Sandy. The movie and role are iconic, yes, but the characters’ songs are some of my least favorite ONJ hits (especially compared to gems like “Please Mr. Please,” “Magic,” and the unbeatable “Make a Move on Me”). Still, Sandy’s got a frisky side, and all meteorological reports about Hurricane Sandy should be preceded by a leather clad Newton-John cooing, “Tell me about it, stud.”